If Action Films Were Musicals

Hollywood logic dictates that action movies and musicals attract two very different crowds. But if the two genres were combined would that bridge the audience gap or create an unholy yet tuneful mess?

 

Transformers

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Songs: “I’m a Driver without a Passenger,” “Cars Do It on Cruise Control,” “Even a Decepticon Can’t Lie to Himself,” “Boom Boom Boom Goes My Heart (And Most of Chicago)”

A young man finds his one true love—and then finds another one true love—across three action musicals that prove when it comes to matters of the heart all you need is a good friend and a great automotive apocalypse.

 

The Matrix

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Songs: “I Awoke from a Dream (to Find Myself in a Nightmare),” “I Know Karate but I Don’t Know Me,” “Why Can’t I Be a Real Little Boy (Agent Smith’s Lament),” “The Only Difference between Man and Machine Are the Letters C,H, I and E”

”West Side Story” is revamped for the computer age as two rivals gangs—Man and Machine—fight to the death only to realize that the greatest struggle is the one from within (not counting those freakass tentacle robots).

 

The Fast and the Furious

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Songs: “I Took a Wrong Turn (And Became a Street Racer),” “Every Road Leads Me Back to You,” “No Blue Book can Put a Price on Our Love,” “Shift of Gears, Change of Heart”

Love never takes a backseat to adventure as an undercover cop falls head over heels for his target’s sister, resulting in a full-on collision of hearts and illegally modified Volkswagen Jettas.

 

Aliens

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Songs: “Game Over, Man (But We’ve Only Just Begun),” “A Small Girl in a Big Bad World,” “Even an Artificial Person Can Become a Real Hero (Bishop’s Plea),” “Mothers Know Best (Ripley and Alien Duet)”

It’s human maternal instincts versus an alien mom in a toe-tapping, heart-pounding, chest-bursting sci-fi musical backed by the Marine Corps Band and several thousand ravenous, insectoid creatures springing from their eggs singing “Born This Day.”

 

Bad Boys

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Songs: “They Took Our Drugs but You Stole My Heart,” “Oh, to Be You for a Day,” “Club Hell Is Heaven When I’m with You,” “Let’s Just Do It on the Police Chief’s Desk”

The unspoken love affair between two detectives finally finds voice in a bullet-ridden musical that shows the thin blue line can only hide so much.

 

Die Hard

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Songs: “Yippee-Ki-Yay (I’m Just a Country Boy at Heart),” “Welcome to the Party (Big Dance Number),” “Best Friends Who Never Met (John McClane and Sergeant Powell Duet)” “600 Million Dollars but No One to Call My Own (Hans Gruber’s Solo)”

When international thieves threaten to blow up a building it’s just the match one man needs to reignite the passion in the dying embers of his marriage and set his love ablaze …along with most of a city block and countless cops and civilians.

 

What action movies would you guys like to see turned into musicals? Let us know in the comments!

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