Important Things About Life I've Learned From Black Eyed Peas Songs

The Black Eyed Peas. Fergie. Will.i.am. The other two dudes who jump around on stage with them. They have produced some of the most popular songs of the past ten years. I know, right? WTF people!?! I decided to look deeper, I mean surely their songs must offer something more than beats to pound jaeger shots too? RIGHT? Yes. There are some very important lessons to be learned from master wordsmith Will.i.am. I mean only a truly gifted artist could come up with such a new take on the classic name William. Will.i.am...GET IT? 

 

I Gotta Feeling---When Writing Party Jams, Make Sure That Even The Biggest Drunks Can Sing Along

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In general, I dismiss any music that debuts in a Target commercial. Apparently I'm one of the few. Cause this song, despite annoyingly repetitive brain-dead lyrics was a HUGE friggin' hit. The only explanation is that you can sing along with it even if you're barely conscious in a puddle of unknown bodily fluid or jumping up and in down in a crowd of college freshman who appear to be majoring in beer pong. Woohoo, like oh my god, mazel tov.  Yeah. Just might be the only pop song ever to drop the Yiddish expression for 'good luck' into a song about getting trashed.

 

Let’s Get It Started---Celebrities Are Delusional

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Yeah, I know. NO FRIGGIN' DUH! But seriously, Will.i.am thinks his rhymes are so fly that he will break our necks when he lays them down. That's almost as crazy as thinking you could ever get away with calling your song 'Let's Get Retarded.' Will.iam must have felt SO stupid when he saw the Glee episode against using the R-word. Probably as dumb as I feel every time I have to type out Will.i.am.

 

Boom Boom Pow—In The Future,  Good Lyrics Are SO 2000 And Late.

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Apparently for the Black Eyed Peas the future is NOW. How else to explain lyrics like 'beats so big I'm stepping on leprechauns, sh*ttin' on y'all with the boom boom.' Although I have to agree, you are sh*ttin on us with the boom boom Will.i.am. For once you got something right.

 

My Humps---Lady Lumps Will Get You Designer Goods

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Lady lumps are a good thing, despite the cancer-y sound of them. They will get you Dolce and Gabbana and Fendi. Tell boys what you're gonna do with those breasts in your shirt. They wanna know. They wanna spend money on you. They wanna woo you with pick up lines like 'I mix your milk with my cocoa puff, milky. milky cocoa.' Seems totally self-esteem building.

 

Imma Be---A Lot Of People In This World Don't Have Very Ambitious Goals

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The biggest problem with the world today is that everyone seems to have goals of getting rich and famous, and then partying. I guess 'Imma be like Mother Theresa' and 'Imma be volunteering for Habitat for Humanity' just aren't as appealing as bouncing chicks and loaning out semen? And come to think of it,  how do you repay a semen loan, Will.i.am?  Cause I'm pretty sure I'd like to see you get repaid.

 

Don’t Phunk My Heart--When Trying To Impress A Girl, Probably Best Not To Say You'll Be Her Bobby Brown

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This whole song seems to be a lesson in how to tell when a guy is just trying to get some.  And then he tells his lady that he basically wants to be her Bobby Brown. Record scratch. Even the dumbest of ladies would have to raise an eyebrow to that one. The only good thing Bobby Brown has done lately was appearing in that   'Every Little Step' video with Mike Tyson.  I still wouldn't wanna date him though. Although I'm strangely finding Mike Tyson more appealing.

 

Rock That Body---Life Really Isn't Fair. Like Really, Really Unfair.

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The best part of this song is the sample from 'It Takes Two' By Rob Bass and DJ EZ Rock. It's the best thing the Black Eyed Peas has ever done. And they didn't do it. I'm gonna go download 'It Takes Two' right now. My part in making the world a miniscule amount fairer. Sigh.

What are some things you've learned from Black Eyed Peas songs? let me know @desijedeikin or in the comments below!

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