Japan Company Introduces Crap-Powered Motorcycle!
Japanese plumbing company Toto has brought to market a motorcycle that runs on human waste. The waste sits under the driver's seat and is converted into a biofuel that powers the three-wheeled bike.
Y'all gross as hell, Japan. Y'all gross.
It features a toilet seat for a, well, seat. But it's not like you're actually excreting the bikes' fuel as you ride around, it's a PURELY DECORATIVE toilet seat. There hasn't been anything this ugly and unnecessary since Aretha Franklin's hat at President Obama's inauguration.
What are you, a damn Hannukah present? Get the f*ck out of here.
I'm ready to acknowledge that, yes, the world is in the midst of an energy crisis and we end up lower on fossil fuels every day. So this solution, while gross, is a step in the right direction. And hey, at least it's a little less horrific than a vehicle that runs on the severed hands of old people who knew how to play video games. Obviously that isn't a viable power source, or EVEN SOMETHING THAT MAKES SENSE, but I'm just saying, wouldn't that be awful?
I'm glad you're safe, old people who know how to play video games.
But GODDDAMN IT Japan, you've opened the door for every last news outlet to make disgusting little puns in their headlines. Fox News wrote "'Toilet Bike' runs on very alternative fuel". The Autoblog wrote "Mind The Skid Marks: Toto toilet company unveils poo-powered motorcycle". And those motherf*ckers at the Huffington Post had the audacity to write "This poop-powered bike might be the number one motorbike for you -- and your number two". This means that every copy editor at every online publication called together his staff and told them he was going to need a list of poop puns on his desk by three pm that day.
"And make them good people. Remember, we're JOURNALISTS."
What do you think they'll use to power motorcycles with next?! Let me know on twitter @mikeyfromsu or in the comments below!
Check out this Japanese guy ordering a burger with 1,050 slices of bacon!