Japan Invents Calorie-Burning Underwear?

Take out your clean underwear. Go ahead. Go to your drawer and pull it out. Smell it. Take a deep breath. Rub it on your face. Just rub it all around on that face. Hold it to your heart. Then throw it the hell away. You don't need it anymore. You won't need it ever again. Japan has changed underwear forever. Your old underwear is a joke. It's history. Go outside, see the underwear bonfires burning. Throw your underwear on the pyre. What is the new kind of Japanese underwear that has changed everything, you ask? Check it out for yourself:

 

MXP Calorie Shaper Pants

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Welcome to the new world order.

 

Old underwear was useless. It would just sit there stupidly on your crotch and ass area, not working you the hell out. MXP changes all that. Thanks to this brilliant new Japanese invention, you don't just wear your underwear, your underwear wears you... wears you the hell out, that is.

 

Get back to work!

 

With MXP Calorie Shaper Pant's maybe or maybe not patented "honeycomb spring" technology, the underwear, unlike other wimp underwear for people who haven't caught up to the present, resists you as you move. 

 

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You know how you've always said to yourself, "I wish my underwear would resist my commands." Well, buster, you just got your wish.

 

The underwear retails for $32 a pair, which is a steal considering that most people who kill their own children in their sleep to be willing to wear underwear that would make it harder for them to walk.

 

 

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This Is What Happens To People Who Don't Buy MXP Calorie Shaping Underwear

 

Below is the commercial for the hi-tech "honeycomb spring" technology infused glimpse into the utopian future of underwear. Do yourself a favor. Watch it. Watch it again. Then immediately do whatever it takes to get the only underwear guaranteed not to do what it's told.

 

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