Japan Wants You to Put Your Phone In This, Like, Hug Robot, I Guess?
Hey there pal. How're you feeling? You feeling lonely? Aw. That's too bad. No one likes to feel lonely. But there's something you can do about it. Go outside? Take a class? No no. You just need to buy a pillow robot to hold to your breast when that pit of despair threatens to swallow you whole!
Here, watch a video about the thing:
Yes, thanks to insane Japanese robot designer Hiroshi Ishiguro, you can order the Hugvie, a roughly human-shaped soft, squishy robot to drop your telephone into so you can hug it while you talk. The goddamn thing even vibrates, mimicking a heartbeat based on cues from the call. The false heartbeat will slow when the person on the other line quiets their voice and slows the tempo of their speech, like when they find out they're talking to you through a pillow in the process of being molested. Then, the fake heartbeat will quicken when they start shouting and speaking more rapidly, like when they process the fact that they're talking to you through a pillow in the process of being molested.
Just talk normal and try not to breathe heavy.
The debut video promises "a richer communication experience when talking on the phone with loved ones." But I would argue it's a less rich communication experience, as the falsity will remind you how far away from your loved one you truly are. It's like saying holding a plastic Wolverine figure while watching X2 X-Men United will provide a richer X-Men experience.
THISISNOTWOLVERINE. And hey, that's not Wolverine either!
In the future, Ishiguro would like to introduce a frame with more sensors to increase the robot's functionality, including the ability to sense your hug and send that hug to the Hugvie on the other end of the call. Essentially, you can send specific squeezes to someone over the phone if they're using a Hugvie as well. This is actually a great idea, because the people who buy Hugvie's will hopefully pair off and just live in their homes far apart, never breeding, and hugging each other.
Would you pay cash money for a Hugvie? Let me know on twitter @mikeyfromsu or in the comments below!
Check out Japan's Least Useful Robots!