Japanese Company Wants to Make You Your Own Mech Robot!
Look, I've watched Power Rangers, okay? I know that someday soon space aliens that sometimes look like humans and sometimes are big monsters are going to attack Earth for unspecified reasons. And I'm obviously worried I'll have to defend this planet I love. But what if I don't have a Zordon to send me a giant mech to use when the monsters grow?
"I can't afford mech robots! You think anyone's going to
hire a giant floating head in a tube? In THIS economy?"
Thankfully, I may soon be able to buy my own. Japan-based Suidobashi Heavy Industry has built a prototype 13 foot tall, 4-plus ton mech that you can pilot. Its name is Kuratas, and you can get your own for the low, low price of 1.35 million dollars. Here's a video of Kuratas in action. Look at this thing! Just look at it!
It looks like a tank with a face.
It sounds like, instead of the usual missiles and laser cannons and bullet-shooting chain guns that come standard on most mechs, this one is going to come equipped with water bottle rockets, fireworks, and a BB-shooting chain gun. Honestly, with an arsenal like that, I wouldn't be surprised to see it also dispense puppies and bouncy balls and ice cream sundays with more fudge than ice cream.
I'll bet it can even make your granddad's cancer go away!
Listen, Japan, I know this seems fun and everything, but come on. You don't need a giant mech to ride around in. The only person who has ever needed a giant mech to ride around in is Lex Luthor, and that's only because he wants to kill Superman. And hey, that's another thing—Lex Luthor, stop getting giant mechs to kill Superman. Everyone likes Superman except you.
You're just acting like a d*ck now dude.
If you had an extra 1.35 million sitting around, would you weant a giant robot mech? Let me know on twitter @mikeyfromsu or in the comments below!
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