Jobs That Should Not Be Performed In The Nude
Therapist Sarah White’s business has really been heating up ever since she started holding her sessions in the nude. Because what could be more comforting than baring your soul to someone who’s butt-a** naked? Not surprisingly most of her clientele are men. And while there are definitely some jobs that people probably would enjoy seeing performed in the nude—like a Hooters waitress or a male gymnast (well maybe that’s just me)—there are some that no one would be on board with.
Pro Football player
For some reason I have a feeling that this wouldn’t go over well at all. Hairy, beefy guys tackling each other and patting each other on the butt wouldn’t seem so butch anymore if they were all naked. Come to think of it, why is this considered more butch with matching uniforms on? Anyways… the poor quarterback has the worst of it—his face always in some guy’s rear, reaching between his legs… snapping the “ball” would take on a whole new meaning!
Shopping Mall Santa
It’s sketchy enough to stick your babe on the lap of a jolly stranger who gives children candy if they promise to be good. If he was naked, the illusion would definitely be broken. And no one wants to think of what a child might pull when there’s no fake beard around!
Things should not dangle off your body around razor sharp blades. I guess if you look on the bright side, after a triple axel accident you could instantly put whatever got severed on ice. But that’s a pretty depressing bright side. Besides, we watch figure skating because it’s a beautiful and elegant sport. When we wanna see blood on the ice we watch hockey.
Performer In VeggieTales Live
Those are not tomatoes and that is not a cucumber. Now please put your costumes on and let me experience something slightly less horrifying…Christian morals made more palatable for children by using…vegetables? Did Ned Flanders create this?
Aren’t there enough disturbing half-nude people walking round Walmart? Let’s keep the Walmart greeter clothed! Do you really want a naked granny asking you if you wanna see pictures of her grandbabies? And I know you don’t wanna see her pull those pictures out of what she jokingly calls her fanny pack. Clean up in aisle WTF!
When parents are looking to hire entertainment for their child’s party, I’m pretty sure goofy guy who juggles balls in his birthday suit does not top the list. In fact, the only thing that could make a clown scarier is one with her deflated balloons exposed. That ukulele can only cover so much!
It might seem like an ideal job to be in the nude, after all it can get pretty hot out there in the sun all day laying manure and trimming bushes. But personally I wouldn’t want my low-hanging fruit anywhere near a weed whacker.
Hot Dog Stand Worker
It’s just wrong. That’s all I’m gonna say.
What are some other jobs you think should never be performed in the nude? Let us know in the comments!