Justin Bieber Throws Up On Stage
Are you tired of Justin Bieber not throwing up on stage? Well, calm down, put down that knife, stop threatening your wife and children with it, because your prayers have been answered
He's obviously throwing up because he's so excited about seeing his out of town girl.
Alas, the Sun Times reports that Justin's recently having turned him 18 made this show an important symbolic turning point for Justin. It was a time to prove that he is no mere child, but an adult whose music is bigger and has more meaning than the simple child's toys that were his old song. And with such brilliant, thematically resonant songs as "Out Of Town Girl," "Y U B So Fine," and "Driving My Expensive Car N' Lovin' U," his music is clearly ready to stand the test of time. But is he?
Justin Bieber is such a man now that he almost never gets out of bed.
Many suspect that his vomiting was an intentional strange new dance move choice, intended to show the fans his human side and endear himself even more to them. That theory became less sound when the report came out that Justin had thrown up for an uninterrupted 149 straight minutes. 37 minutes into the vomiting, he turned and vomited his way to the edge of the stage where he continued to vomit on a single female fan, who in a show of support did not move out of the spray, for the remaining 112 minutes.
Here is Justin Bieber in Vegas, accepting the award for longest uninterrupted vomit at a single concert
While Justin Bieber usually loves throwing up, this was different. He was singing one of his new more urban, more "adult" songs "Out Of Town Girl" about, presumably, having sex with a girl who lives out of town. He wanted to seem tough. Things already weren't easy for him in that department. His Backstreet Boys era vest/hoodie white t-shirt combo were making it tough. The fact that he is 98 pounds fully dressed. His naturally lustrous eyelashes. The fact that a cabal of elderly white marketing geniuses write his music and lyrics for him. The fact that he goes to sleep every night in a pile of baby rabbits who wake up early to comb his hair for him. All of these things get in his way. So he had quite a mountain to climb to look tough. And the fact that he couldn't handle pointing and winking while lip synching did nothing to help.
Picture Above: Justin Bieber 28 years from now, arguing in court that he "Did not throw the liquor bottle at that waitress."
What do you plan to do with the jar of Bieber Vomit you collected at his show? Let me know in the comments below!
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