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Katy Perry's Darkest Secrets Revealed!


When singer Katy Perry confessed that she has been using Proactiv to treat her terrible acne problems, the world was stunned. If a pop beauty like Perry had been hiding her struggle with acne, what other disgusting, shameful secrets were lurking in her closet? The internet immediately went into research mode and turned up a plethora of dirt. Here are some of the more notable Katy Perry secrets that have surfaced.

 

A Total Diva

Katy Perry’s temper tantrums are legendary in the industry. Reports from inside the Children’s Television Workshop say that when Perry appeared on Sesame Street in 2010, she became enraged for unknown reasons and threw hot coffee in Elmo’s face. The popular Muppet was rushed to the hospital with second-degree burns. Perry’s publicist denies that the singer was responsible for Elmo’s injuries.

 

Short Lived Polka Career

Hardcore Perry fans know that, before hitting it big with her current pop tart image, Perry released a gospel album under her real name Katy Hudson. What fewer people know is that before the gospel album, Perry recorded an entire album of Polka standards under the name Käty Hudsön.

 

Thought Russell Brand Was a Beatle

The rumor is that when Perry started dating her now husband, British comedian Russell Brand, she actually thought he was a member of the seminal 1960s pop group The Beatles. “Right, he was married before to the woman with the one leg,” she told an interviewer, apparently mistaking Brand for Sir Paul McCartney.

 

California Gurls Originally Sheboygan Gurls

As originally written, Perry’s hit single was about the ladies of the plucky Wisconsin town on the shores of Lake Michigan. Perry reportedly spent a lot of time in ‘boygan while recording her polka album and fell in love with the place. It was Perry’s producer Dr. Luke who suggested the location change. Perry occasionally performs the original version when touring the upper mid-west.

 

Not Her Real Voice

There have been accusations that Perry’s real voice is less than stellar and is greatly enhanced with Auto-Tune and other such studio tricks. There are also more sinister whispers that claim Perry’s voice is unaltered, but was actually stolen from a beautiful mermaid princess in some dark, undersea bargain.

 

Not Really Human

There are a lot of theories along these lines. Too many to list here, but the highlights include robot, alien, and a half-cat/half-woman creature. Perhaps the most outlandish tale is that Perry is actually a grotesque, conniving Sea Witch who has taken human form via evil oceanic magic.

 

Killed A Dude

Accounts vary wildly, even among supposed eyewitnesses. Some say Perry stabbed the guy, others say she strangled him with her bare hands. Some claim it was a dispute over money, and others say Perry just wanted to know the sick thrill that only comes from watching the light go out of a man’s eyes as his lifeforce slips away through your fingers.

 

Eats Kittens

Many celebs undergo unusual diets and health rituals to keep themselves in shape for the public eye, but Katy Perry might be on one of the weirdest diets ever. Insiders report that Perry eats nothing but kittens. At least a dozen fresh, adorable kittens a day, plucked from a basket, fur and all. Supposedly it’s the fur that keeps Perry’s own hair looking so shiny and lustrous.

Have you come across any other Katy Perry secrets in your internet travels? Leave them in the comments below!

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5 weeks ago

i like carrots...

10 weeks ago

FAKE!!! (jk)

15 weeks ago

sheboygan everyone she sees lmfao

15 weeks ago

omg to all the people flippin g desks oveer its a fucking joke calm your tits

43 weeks ago

xD I love her. But this was hilarious ! !

46 weeks ago

I like Katy Perry, and maybe you shoukld make sure that the info you have is actually real >:(

62 weeks ago

shes a man

65 weeks ago

Regardless of half this article being a joke, Katy Perry is still a terrible person. I will laugh so hard when she gets a divorce.

65 weeks ago

THE ARTICLE IS A JOKE PEOPLE!!!!

65 weeks ago

I LURV KATY PERRY WAT R U TALKING ABOUT BASTARDS!!

65 weeks ago

e .e ....
I love you Ian and Anthony...
but this is kinda too far.... /:

65 weeks ago

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65 weeks ago

π∟81Uq

65 weeks ago

haters hate nuff said

65 weeks ago

hlkdbsyefildgAWUSDGTAWER;GUIDGFUIEGUIGSgfseuihj efbgtkjbhygtjmrkwdfhyiakmwn3reybvthilwegyi9fusguit rjkgfnkgldfgyocv xhigrnaweuvftgfushprnjrwgupasderano'enio'hgfhobfi' 'nykserhysghodfhio'tnynky5nkl5hoi'ye

65 weeks ago

i Fcking hate everyone biatch

65 weeks ago

Celtics!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!< /p>

65 weeks ago

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65 weeks ago

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65 weeks ago

last on D:

65 weeks ago

lol lollollolololololololololol trolololololololo did she kill anyone i loled at eating kittens

65 weeks ago

I actually think she's attractive.... lol

65 weeks ago

People! This article is a joke!!

65 weeks ago

All singers are basically AutoTune now. Sure, the robotic sound is cool, but if you use it all the time, it's annoying. >.> I heard her sing on an award show, and she sucked. A lot.

65 weeks ago

no wait, after reading it, this whole article is all crap. it is pure bulls**t

65 weeks ago

the first one is crap. they cut the scene because parents thought the dress was revealing

66 weeks ago

@Anny

YOU FAIL!

66 weeks ago

lol

66 weeks ago

I still think she is gorgeous no matter what is said about her

66 weeks ago

Honestly, I DON'T CARE!

66 weeks ago

Yeah, I got one. She is an Alien Spy, sent from Pluto to stalk us, eat our kittens, get a humans blood and body, and most importantly, plot on destroying the world!

66 weeks ago

Whats wrong with eating cats?

66 weeks ago

I live near Sheboygan

66 weeks ago

The one about her not being able to sing is actually true..

66 weeks ago

...but she has great bewbs

66 weeks ago

shes shemal guys ??? look att his poussy

66 weeks ago

Dumb article...not funny at all =(

66 weeks ago

isnt sheboygan in michigan? cause ive been there before

66 weeks ago

Sheboygan is a pretty okay city, actually.

66 weeks ago

she killed a pooorrrr kitten! D:<

66 weeks ago

ARRRR SHE HAS A KNIFE O_O