Kid DIES Playing Diablo 3!
No job is perfect. If you're an NBA star, you have to go to training camp. If you work for NASA, you have to manage your budget. If you're a garbage man in a rich neighborhood, you have to accept that you're not going to find rare Paul Cézanne paintings in the trash everyday. But worst of all, if you own an internet cafe, you have to deal with people who play Diablo 3 until they die.
They've been like this for days. There is literally no way to if they're alive or dead.
An 18-year-old currently known only as Chuang had a private booth in a taiwan internet cafe and spent 40 straight hours playing Diablo 3. No food, no social interaction, nothing. When he was nudged awake by the cafe's owner, he got up, took a few steps and then collapsed. He died shortly after at the hospital, where doctors called his death the result of a blood clot from not sitting for so long without taking a break.
ALL RIGHT, NO ONE GETS TO MAKE FUN OF THE WII EVER EVER AGAIN.
Listen, straight up, it sucks when people die. I don't want anyone to die. But man, since we've all got to do it, is this really the worst way to go? After so many months of Diablo 3 delays, Chaung was able to consume as much of it in one 40 hour timespan than any human being is capable of. What's that saying you always see fake-burned into pieces of fake wood at Pier One Imports? "It's better to burn out than fade away"?
Congratulations Chaung. You're an inspiration to our nation's most boring moms.
Remember, Diablo 3 was delayed so many times that waiting for the game must have been agony for young Cheung. These past few months since the game's release must have been so happy for him, and again, if we've all got to die, maybe it's best to go just after doing something we really love. Speaking for myself, the perfect time to go might be after tonight's midnight The Dark Knight Rises screening, because a) There aren't going to be anymore Christopher Nolan Batman films and b) it's not like I've got a ton going on in my life.
After tonight, aneurisms, my brain is yours.
What do you hope you're doing when you die? Let me know on twitter @mikeyfromsu or in the comments below!
Check out these examples of video game logic!