Least Successful Lego Set Movie Tie-Ins

Tired of assembling the Imperial Landing Craft from Return of the Jedi, Dumbledore’s office from Harry Potter or Jake Gyllenhaal from Prince of Persia? Then perhaps you can go on eBay and find the last remaining copies of these Lego sets that failed to bring joy to a single child…

 

Scarface

Featuring 400 white bricks to build your own giant mound of blow and Lego’s first and only attempt to help kids build the F-word 226 times, the set was immediately pulled from stores due to the cover art of a minifig being decapitated by a chainsaw and the inclusion of a working miniature M16 rifle. However, the toy later experienced a huge revival in the hip hop community and is now viewed as a work of art for graphically showing how organized crime does not pay for kids ages 6-10.

 

Paranormal Activity

Reusing an old Lego suburban house kit and made for about $1.50 each, this set featured two average-looking minifigs, a constant live camera feed and the child’s gnawing sensation that evil is slowly enveloping their very lives. This last part was accomplished by having the house open and slam its own doors at night, silently approach the child’s bed as they slept or just violently hurling various family members to their death. As of this writing the whereabouts of anyone who has ever purchased this set remains unknown.

 

Transformers: Dark of the Moon

While letting a kid decimate Chicago for approximately 50% of the set’s playing time would seem to ensure a hit, the $385,000 per set price tag prevented multiple sales. Most purchasers also complained that they were given absolutely no reason to be emotionally involved in the enclosed minifigs’ story or any explanation of how upscale actors like Frances McDormand and John Malkovich got involved in this mess in the first place. On the plus side, though, this may prove to be the last toy to prominently feature Shia LaBeouf.

 

2001: A Space Odyssey

Your very conception of what a “fun toy” is was challenged the moment you opened the box to find three seemingly unrelated sections, each equipped with a black monolith, their own maddeningly arcane pieces and the use of sound in lieu of easy-to-follow instructions or even just one damn green platform. Then it was off to engage in endless hours of “amusement” as you used little prehistoric ape-men to reenact the first discovery of tools and homicide only to wind up with a floating fetus “Starchild” and the realization that you simply could not give less of a crap.

 

Sex in the City 2

Hoping to attract a whole new demographic of fortysomething single females, Lego released a set that simultaneously insulted all women and the entire Middle East. Featuring a wardrobe that necessitated the buying of 63 add-ons and a credit line at Cartier jewelers, the toy engaged in such overwhelmingly crass materialism that it made Barbie look like a Benedictine nun and the Bratz dolls like freegans. Fortunately, the set’s unbelievably high alcohol content usually resulted in death from massive liver failure before anyone could ever admit to owning it.

 

Bucky Larson: Born To Be A Star

The contents of this set remain a mystery since no one claims to have purchased a copy, no one is willing to admit they worked on the concept and Lego continues to insist the tie-in was actually manufactured by their knock-off competitor Mega Bloks. What we do know is that “Bucky Larson” is one of a very few toys ever to score a 0% “Fresh Rating” from people who thought buying a set that had something to do with the porn industry would have been a lot more fun.

Which is your favorite? Let us know in the comments!

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