Legitimate Reasons To Be 'Afraid Of The Dark'

Guillermo del Toro’s newest brainchild, Don’t Be Afraid of the Dark, comes out this weekend, so I thought it would be appropriate to list all the falsities of the title. Because, after all, 'The Dark' is a dark, dark place.

 

1. Rabid Cheetahs Are In The Dark

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Watch out!

 

2. Chris Brown Is In The Dark

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Looming in the shadows, amidst the dreary air of the rolling canyons, looms the straggling monster, the girl-voiced sensation, the one and only Chris Brown.

 

3. The Dark Is In The Knight

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I mean, you know what I mean...right? The bottom line is that Batman is coming for you. Now.

4. I Dropped A Staple Over There

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You should turn the light on or you might step on it.

 

5. The Boogeyman Lives In The Dark

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Everyone knows who looms in the dark, who is there to stimulate your nightmares, who’s there—wait! What’s that?! Under the bed?!

 

6. Haven’t You Seen Paranormal Activity?

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I mean, almost every single terrifying thing in that film happened at night in the dark. Boo!

 

7. This Scary Metal Band Has An Album Called “The Dark”

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Ahh!!!!! Metal music!!!!!!!!! Run to the hills!!

 

8. The Dark Is So Prehistoric

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The dinosaurs had no light, and, therefore, are definitely in all darkness and will eat you and you will be it's dinner and it will think you’re delicious.

Why aren’t you afraid of the dark, big guy? Tell us in the comments below!

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