Man Kills Step-Father with Atomic Wedgie
So, I grew up with great parents — maybe not the best parents, but still pretty great. Even after they split up, they handled things as best they could. For instance, when my mom was getting remarried, we went out for breakfast, just me and her, and she explained something to me.
"Now, this man I'm marrying," she said, "I love him very much. I hope that, with time, you will too. But you should know, while he's not going to take the place of your father, he's going to try his hardest to be there for you, and what I need from you is to try your hardest to respect him, okay?"
"That means do NOT, under any circumstances, murder him in the most humiliating way possible. Can you do that for me honey?"
Apparently, Brad Davis and his mother never had that talk. Right now, the 33 year old former Marine is in jail for allegedly murdering his step father after giving him an atomic wedgie.
That makes wedgies officially the funniest thing that isn't a laughing matter.
The step-father, identified as Denver Lee St. Clair, supposedly was drinking that night with Davis. Claiming not only that his step-father spoke ill of his mother, presumably St. Clair's wife, Davis also said St. Clair swung first. So that chain of events doesn't quite track, and coupled with the fact that the police have photos of the crime scene suggesting the scene of the crime was altered before they arrived, it's easy to infer that some foul play could be going on.
So did Davis just regular murder his step-dad and then come up with the story? And does that mean that he could have faked the wedgie, pulling the underwear over his step-dad's corpse? If so, to what end? Was Davis hoping to build a reputation for his eventual prison stint?
"You gotta stay away from that guy in cell block D, man. He did some things I ain't seen since middle school."
Now, when a movie tough guy says he can kill a man in over a thousand ways, I cock my head and wonder how he'd do it after he got through the obvious ones like "gun" and "knife". Even if I pushed myself to think for, like, an hour, I could come up with maybe 200 ways to kill a man. That means the tough guy has over 800 more ways.
Before this story, I chalked it up to movie hyperbole, but if an atomic wedgie was really what killed St. Clair, meaning he was wedged to death, it feels like doing anything to anybody could kill them. Holding the door open for them to death. Texting them to death. Giving them a Starbucks gift card to death.
Police arrived on the scene, horrified by the thoughtlessness of the gifts they found.
What do you think would be the most embarrassing way to die? Let me know on Twitter — @mikeyfromsu — or in the comments below!