Man Smuggles Monkeys In His Pants
Monkeys are awesome. We all know that. However, that’s no reason to try and smuggle them inside your pants. This week a man in Mexico was arrested for trying to smuggle 18 monkeys attached to a girdle under his khakis. One monkey sounds like too many to stuff down your drawers, but 18? That is WAY way too many monkeys. What kind of hammer-pants was this guy wearing?
Sadly, people smuggling rare animals under their clothes is all too common. Here are some of the more famous cases.
65 Snakes In A Bra
Most women go to great lengths to keep reptiles OUT of their underwear, but in 2007, a Swedish woman was caught trying to smuggle 65 snakes inside her bra. I don’t know exactly how it happened, but I hope the snakes at least bought her a nice dinner first.
44 Lizards In Underwear
A German man was arrested in 2009 after he was caught at a New Zealand airport with 44 rare lizards stuffed into “der ünderpants.” The animals were all endangered, so this is highly illegal, and they were lizards, so this is highly gross.
2 Pigeons In Tights
I don’t understand why there’s a black market for smuggled pigeons. Who wants pigeons? In 2009, a man in was arrested for smuggling two pigeons into Australia by stuffing them into tights he was wearing under his pants. I think he was arrested by both the regular police, and the fashion police.
3 Iguanas In Leg
In 2007, a California man smuggled 3 rare iguanas from Fiji to the US inside a false leg. Kids, if you are missing a leg, please don’t use your prosthetic replacement for crime.
14 Birds In Pants
A man named Sony Dong (this is his name for real) was caught with a bunch of birds in his pants. Authorities were tipped off when they noticed bird crap on his shoes, and feathers sticking out of his pants. (BTW, “Sony Dong” sounds like the worst Playstation attachment ever.)
51 Fish In A Skirt
In 2005, people in an airport noticed a woman whose clothing seemed to be making “flipping” noises. After authorities searched her, they discovered 51 tropical fish inside bags nestled in a custom apron under her skirt. Sure, she could be a smuggler, but maybe she just wanted her sushi to be really, really fresh?
14 Pythons Under Shirt
Are you smuggling a snake, or is your chest just happy to see me? In 2009, a man was arrested trying to smuggle 14 pythons into Norway in socks taped to his body. He also had small boxes of geckos taped to his legs.
3 Crocodiles Under Robe
Sometimes, smugglers just want to have a “casual day,” so they slip into something more comfortable to do their smuggling. In 2007, a Palestinian woman trying to get into Gaza city was caught with three crocodiles under her robe, strapped to her stomach. Border guards “suspected her because she was so fat.” Since when is being fat make you a potential criminal? Should I be suspicious of the people in line at Cinnabon?