My Top Ten Problems With Lil Wayne's 'How To Love' Video

America has decided that Lil Wayne is the current “it” rapper for some reason, even though there are plenty of full sized Waynes out there who are perfectly nice and don’t sing like a drowning robot. Weezy’s current hit right now is the song "How to Love," about a girl who doesn’t know how to love. WHY doesn’t she know how to love? Well, the song mentions something about crooks trying to steal her heart, but the video makes it clear. Abortion and sexual abuse. Wait, WHAT?

Lil Wayne teaching us about sexual abuse and women’s esteem issues is like hearing about the Federal Reserve and breast cancer from “The Situation”. So, yeah, about that video. Here are a few of my problems with it.

Problem #1 Lil Wayne’s Voice

I think the man can rap but when Lil Wayne sings it sounds like Rebecca Black’s grandma singing into an electric fan. Maybe it’s a problem with the acoustics? Weezy, how about next time we don’t record the song in the basement from SAW. 


Problem #2 It starts with an abortion

I listened to the song before I saw the video, and even after repeated listening, not once was I like “yep, the video for this should really start with some abortion.”


Problem #3 Hoop earrings as abortion wear.

Who wears those to a medical procedure? Tacky.


Problem #4 Sexual about out of NO WHERE

She was almost aborted then her dad was in prison now she’s being assaulted? I signed up for a music video, not “Precious 2 ( Based on the novel Push 2 by Sapphire)” This all happens less than 90 seconds into the video, by the way.


Problem #6 This kiss

Maybe she doesn’t know how to love because she doesn’t know how to kiss without looking like a gecko.


Problem #7 She’s a stripper

The myth that all strippers are victims of sexual abuse is bad for victims of sexual abuse and bad for strippers. If Lil Wayne ever met any strippers, he would know this (JK, I’m sure he's met TONS of strippers).


Problem #8 Lil Wayne is the AIDS fairy

So the girl in the video has sex with some dude for money. Whatever. But suddenly, a wild LIL WAYNE appears and interacts with the girl for the first time. He touches her gently, then disappears. Next thing you know, she’s in a doctor’s office getting diagnosed with HIV. Why would Lil Wayne put that in his video?


Problem #9 AIDS

HIV? Seriously. It’s like they wrote down a list of bad things that could happen, and then crammed them all into the video. “Sexual abuse! Oh oh, and she doesn’t have a dad! Oh oh, can we give her AIDS? Let’s give her AIDS!”

Also, is this the same doctor from the beginning of the video? He looks the same. Is he running a AIDS/Abortion/Youth Serum clinic?


Problem #10 I never learned how to love

For most of the video I’m just kind of watching bad things happen to the poor girl. Then there’s this weird part at the end where it gets all Dr. Who and they travel back in time so that the mom gets married instead of getting beaten up by her baby’s daddy? Like that was the choice she had and she picked “beat me” instead of “married life.” Then we see how the girl would grow up if she was in a married household.


NEVER are we told how to love, even though it’s implied in the song title. It’s like if the video for “Teach Me How To Dougie” ended up being about Iran’s nuclear program. 


Also, Weezy, if I wanted to learn about traditional marriage, hard work in school, and family, YOU ARE NOT THE PERSON TO TELL ME ABOUT IT. If I want to hear about “Shawtys wanna hump” you’re my guy.

Click here for Lil Wayne - How To Love Parody (by Marc and Nathan)!