Nerd Franchises To Revive Via Kickstarter

After last week's incredibly successful Veronica Mars Kickstarter, which funded a movie based on the long-canceled CW show and set Kickstarter records, fans of cult TV, movie, and video game franchises have discovered a new way to make their voices heard. If they speak in the only language entertainment companies understand, cold hard CASH, they can influence their decisions. Although, I have to ask: How do you think that makes Veronica Mars feel, huh? The damn thing comes back after being canceled for seven years and the first thing you can think of is what comes next? How do you act on Christmas morning? How about you say "thank you" for the present you just opened before ravenously tearing into the next one, you petulant child? But now that I've chastised those who are looking ahead to other geek franchises they want revived by Kickstarter, I'd like to present my list of the other geek franchises I want revived by Kickstarter.

 

Battletoads

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The reason to Kickstart a new Battletoads game is simple: It was really really HARD. The only people who ever got through the game's surfing level were those of us with big brothers. And this is an important message to send to gaming companies right now. The new Tomb Raider is incredibly good, but it doesn't have any of the older Tomb Raider's challenging, obtuse puzzles. Games are getting easier, and if we don't prove that there's still a market for hard games, we're on a path to a Zelda game where small keys are all over the ground and when you finally face Gannondorf he just cries and offers you a hand-written apology.

 

The Golden Compass

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Since no movie studio is going to throw good money after bad, the failure of the first film in this series makes it certain that the franchise will never be resurrected. UNLESS THE FANS DEMAND IT. And here's why we should demand it — despite the fact that the first movie was awful, in the hands of a good director, the sequels to this movie will be AWESOME. They would feature such RAD SH*T as a KNIFE that cuts through REALITY, a POLAR BEAR wearing ARMOR EATING HIS FRIEND out of respect, and an INTELLIGENT CRITIQUE of RELIGIOUS CULTURE.

 

Freaks and Geeks

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Freaks and Geeks was, no more and no less, a great show. We can use Kickstarter to remind Hollywood that, sometimes, that's enough. And movie studios quite often need to be reminded that quality is important. The movie executive In invited to my house last Thanksgiving just brought a poster of green bean casserole and spent the whole evening saying it was a "can't miss dish" for "the whole family".

 

Killer Instinct

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Almost the exact opposite of Freaks and Geeks, Killer Instinct is a good example of pure nonsense selling a game. Sometimes studios need to be reminded that pure nonsense is fun too. I mean, this game featured a ROBOT fighting a GARGOYLE. And it's announcer couldn't say "Combo Breaker" without having a stroke. Nothing made sense. Why didn't the robot or the gargoyle ever help him?!?

 

Star Fox

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Look, no way is Nintendo going to make a Star Fox game if we don't Kickstart it. There's no way Nintendo is making ANYTHING besides Mario games and spinoffs unless we kickstart them. If we don't force them into a new Star Fox game our world will look like the begininng of Wall-E except instead of Trash the streets will be lined with piles and piles of Mario All-Star MMA and Luigi's Mansion Golf.

 

Firefly

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I watched the entire Firefly series AND the movie that came after it, and I honest to God don't remember a goddamn thing. So why would I hope for a Firefly Kickstarter? Because I NEED THE FIREFLY PEOPLE TO SHUT UP ABOUT IT. Everywhere I go, it's "Oh Firefly was the BEST show." "Oh, have you seen Firefly?" "Firefly was canceled WAY too soon!" "Oh I can't believe what happened to Firefly!" "How can we get FIREFLY back on the air?"

Like, do these guys have friends in their life that care about them? Then why aren't those friends intervening? If Firefly people would take their energy spent complaining about Firefly and put it into, say, getting an engineering degree, WE WOULD ALREADY BE LIVING IN A WORLD AS TECHNOLOGICALLY ADVANCED AS FIREFLY.

 

Which franchise do you think most deserves your Kickstarter money? Let me know on Twitter at @mikeyfromsu or in the comments below!

 

Check out What Link From Legend Of Zelda Should Put On His Kickstarter Page!