Original Lady Gaga Is A Terrifying Old Lady Clown?!
When I say "Gaga", what do you think of? Babies? That's ridiculous. You are ridiculous. The answer, of course, is pop music sensation Lady Gaga.
Hah, her dress is weird.
But another Gaga has surfaced recently, and she's a scary old lady clown. Her name is Gloria Walz, and she's been volunteering as a clown ("Clownenteering", as it's referred to by not one person in the world) for over 24 years.
"Wanna know how I got these scars?"
Now, when the newly emerged second Gaga Gloria Walz was interviewed by her local news and was asked about the fact that she shared a name with one of the biggest music superstars in the world. "My friends say, 'You ought to sue her,'" Walz laughed. "'No, no no." Sounds like she's going to be friendly with the gaga we've all come to know, right? But listen, ever since I was three and my dad lost me for ten hours at the circus, I've learned to never, ever trust clowns.
"Now son, not every birthday is going to be fun."
A lot of the times people laugh and make light of that which bothers them most. I suspect Gloria Walz really does want to be the sole Gaga and this young punk steppin' to her name is driving her insane. If that's the case, who has the superior claim to the title of "Gaga"? The Gaga who is known by the name worldwide to millions of fans or the Gaga who's been using the name since almost before Stefani Germanotta was born?
Maybe it's my severe Coulrophobia, more commonly known as fear of clowns, but I'm with Lady Gaga. Even when she's in that S&M getup, she isn't scary.
She just does this to sell more action figures.
Clowns, on the other hand, are monsters. I learned that from the documentary Stephen King's It. I know what you're thinking: "Stephen King's It isn't nonfiction! It's just a silly book. You're letting your severe Coulrophobia, more commonly known as fear of clowns, go to your head!" And to that I say, if he didn't get turned into a clown in real life, then what happened to Tim Curry, huh? You don't star in Clue The Movie and then suddenly lose your entire career. Wake up, sheeple.
Another fallen soldier in humanity's secret war against clowns.
Upon seeing Lady Gaga perform on American Idol, Walz was appalled by her outfit, as all grandmothers are when they see girls wearing anything but a skirt that goes down to their ankles and a button-up fully buttoned up under another button-up.
"Honey, why are you showing your neck in public? You don't have to do that to get the boys to like you."
Granted, Gaga is perhaps the most provocative dresser in pop music, sometimes wearing nothing more than fishnet stockings and duct tape. But at least her outfits don't make people think they are about to be murdered.
What do we think? Which one should we call Gaga A and which one Gaga B? Let's get to the bottom of this in the comments!