UK Pizza Hut Introduces Hot Dog Stuffed Crust Pizza?
Meat-Lovers pizzas never have enough meat in them, do they? Sure you can get ham, bacon, chicken, pepperoni, sausage, italian sausage, beef, barbecue chicken, canadian bacon, and more pepperoni, but is that really enough meat? Unfortunately, it becomes a problem not of imagination but of engineering. There is only so much pizza space to fill before adding more meat becomes impractical. Thankfully, the brilliant minds at UK Pizza Hut have found previously unexplored territory— the barren wasteland of crust. Soon the pizza engineers found themselves with little choice. They had to put a goddamn hot dog in there.
It says the mustard drizzle is free, but it will actually cost you your only hope for redemption.
Where to begin? First of all, you can't "drizzle" mustard. Drizzling implies a tiny hint of the desired substance. A small breeze of liquid. You can barely tell it's there. Whereas mustard is the strongest taste known to man. There is no ambiguity about mustard. Avoxes can taste mustard and they've had their tongues ripped out by Capitol. If there is mustard on a sandwich, you'll know it. For the next three days your mouth will taste needles and orange rinds.
Mustard: A zero-sum game.
Quite possibly the most shocking aspect of this story is that the hot dog stuffed pizza was not created in America, where literally ninety-nine percent of the population is overweight by 250-300 pounds. We've had fast food chains creating food monstrosities for years. KFC has replaced all their bread with chicken and Burger King is now at the point where they're cramming leftover meat into desserts. And Wendy's? Wendy's put triple bacon on a triple hamburger.
Wendy's HATES you.
Seemingly, the Pizza Hut hot dog stuffed pizza is only the latest entry in this fast food race to find the most shocking quote unquote "food". Each chain builds their stockpile, one Triple Baconator at a time. It's a fast food Cold War, people, and I don't know where it ends. There was only one man capable of stopping a cold war, and I have no idea how he would stop this one.
"Mr. Gorbachev, tear down this wall! And then eat it. Because it is made of bacon."
Would you... would you do it? You know... order one of these... things? These hot dog stuffed things? Let us know in the comments below!
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