Pop Stars of the Future!

Ever wonder what the future of entertainment will be like? Me too. (OMIGOD, WE HAVE SO MUCH IN COMMON!!!!) The difference between you and I, however, is that I don't just wonder – I see it. I feel it. I KNOW IT. Yeah, I'm psychically gifted. And a hot vision of the future of pop music just came through the pipeline. Interested? Then sit down and call me Nostradamus, bro, 'cause I got some previsions to share with you.

 

Cutie10443223X

japanese robot pop singer

A robotic cutiepuss of Japanese descent. She eventually, tragically, vanishes from the industry because of her torridly unchristian affair with a robotic dog (it brought great dishonor to her inventor).

 

Reanimated Michael Jackson

michael jackson reanimated corpse

Michael Jackson's corpse, reanimated. It's performance is strikingly similar to that of Michael Jackson's actual, living body during the filming of "This is It."

 

Disembodied Butts and Abs

disembodied butts abs pop stars

Because, well, to Hell with it. Give the people what they want!

 

HoloGramma

hologram grandma pop star

A kindly old grandmotherly hologram who sings lullabies (which, in the future, are NWA songs).

 

Tupac

tupac back to life not hologram

But, y'know, NOT a hologram – the dude that faked his death in that whole drive-by shooting thing yet has (inexplicably) been plotting his return to "the game" for the past couple decades. Makaveli, baby!

 

An Air Horn

dj air horn pop star

By the year 2056, music will have degraded to such a point that simple, aggressive noises are enough to get rumps shaking. At that time, DJ Toot Toot will rule the hottest pool clubs in Space Vegas.

 

Black Holes

black hole pop star

In the future, the series of heinous events Al Gore outlined in his PowerPoint presentation will actually transpire and force mankind to embrace the void and it's own mortality. The cold, unrelenting silence of black holes will become the soundtrack to this brutal self-awareness.

 

YOU!

you as pop singer future

Just kidding; you're never gonna be anything! Better stop dreaming now...you’re only embarrassing yourself!

 

Got your own predictions? Give ‘em to me in the comments, or tell me @Bornferal!

 

Check Out 20 Postcards From the Future!