Powers Kirby Would Get If He Ate The Cast Of Glee

Kirby has the delightful ability to take someone's power after he consumes them, much like a Homonculus in Full Metal Alchemist, or a camera taking a picture of an the Amish. Nothing is cuter than an insatiable being who wants to swallow you whole so that it can suck your essence into itself and twist it for it's own purposes, I always say. 

 

Kirby has swallowed all sorts of creatures great and small, and it's running out of beings in Dreamland to consume. Glee takes place in a High School right on the edge of Dreamland, so it's very feasible that Kirby will go there next on his unending quest to absorb powers. Naturally this begs the question, what kind of powers will Kirby get from the cast of Glee?

 

Quinn Fabray

This would be the power of hotness. Kirby can use this power to distract WaddleDee and sneak past them, or to get out of speeding tickets.

 

Kurt Hummel

Swallowing Kurt gives Kirby the power of coming out of the closet to his father. This power allows Kirby to have a more positive relationship with his father. Which, while it does not directly make him better able to defeat King Dedede, is still hecka nice, and it turns out Kirby's father was pretty sure Kirby was gay all along. When Kirby asks his Dad what gave it away his Dad just rolls his eyes and replies, " Everything."

 

Finn Hudson

Finn's power has always been being too dumb to realize the girls he's going out with are selfish b*tches. This is a reverse power and Kirby should never swallow Finn unless he's looking for an overly complicated love life.

 

Puck

It's pretty obvious what power Puck can give Kirby.

 

Sue Sylvestor

Eating Sue Sylvestor gives Kirby the power of being a shrill a**hole. When Kirby uses this power all his enemies get the hell out of his way because they don't want to have to sit there listening to him being a dick to them.

 

Artie Abrams

Kirby's power from Artie is to be paralyzed from the waist down. Nintendo game designers have yet to figure out how this power benefits Kirby.

 

Principal Figgins

Once Kirby Ingests Principal Figgins he gets the very useful power of making the cast of any show he's on at least 10% more diverse. 

 

What other powers can Kirby get from the Glee cast? Let us know in the comments!

 

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