A Quick Note To My Internet Stalkers

Apart from writing for Smosh.com I do write for other sites and have a few of my own.

In the years on my on-line work I have met and talked with hundreds of really cool people that I would not have met otherwise, and I have gathered a few stalkers as well.

I wish to take this opportunity to address them en masse.

 

To The 2 Girls In Japan And The 1 Creepy Guy in Texas:

I will not send you a lock of my hair! Im not sure if request is a cultural thing but the answer is still no. I have very little hair to spare even if it was not so weird.

 

To The Middle Aged Man in Ohio:

All though I am happy that you enjoy your hobby I respectfully decline your invitation to dress up like cartoon characters and “wrastle”. Not really sure why you would think that I would entertain that offer, but no!

 

To The Seemingly Nice Lady in Arkansas:

The first email you sent was misleading as you sounded very normal. Fast forward to email #2 where you rolling naked on a floor covered with buttered nickles, while I applaud your creativity I there will be no email #3 as you have thoroughly freaked me out.

 

To The Gentleman in Seattle:

To this day I cannot understand why you thought it was OK to ask me for a photo of my feet. When have I ever led you to believe that that would be a request I would entertain?

 

To The Very Creepy Guy in Florida:

However you meant it the answer is a resounding NO! I want to answer you for the record, I do not want to “sword fight” with you.

And lastly

 

To The Guy in California:

Under no circumstances do I want to take a road trip in your “shaggin waggon”. I am not sure if you meant that literally or if you were trying to make some odd sexual reference. Either way the answer is no! The fact that you email me with the same question every week bothers me as well.

Have you ever had an internet stalker?

 

Check Out Valentines Day Stalker Letter!