The Real Housewives Of District 12

First there were the Real Housewives of Orange County, sexy firebrands who know how to get what they want. Then there were the Real Housewives of Atlanta and OOOHH  Mama lookout! Then there were the Real Housewives of New York, these kittens got claws! Now feast your eyes on the next crop of Real Housewives, in this SMOSH exclusive profile of some of the sassy new gals coming to grace our screen, The Real Housewives of District 12!:

 

Greasy Sae

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As good with a ladel as she is with a spatula, the only thing sexier than watching Greasy Sae debone a still-live rat with her bare hands is seeing her squat in the mud to relieve herself!

 

Tunda Brumhill

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Born half-witted from her mother's lack of nutrition, Tunda married a coal miner and spends most of her days lying in the doorway between the kitchen and the outside, hoping her husband made enough money to buy them a handful of oats!

 

Flatbread Hovermore

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She's the sassiest of the bunch! Flatbread lost her brother, mother, and sister in a grease fire near the Butcher shop, and the pain of the loss has hardened her against the world, making her district-renouned for her darkly comic sarcasm!

 

Dogmess Scrump

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Dogmess sneezed near one of the Peacekeepers without covering her mouth and has not been heard from since.

 

Futter Spool

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Futter is the Diva of the bunch for sure! Her husband owns a syphilitic goat, and they're sometimes able to sell the rancid meat for tiny scraps of cloth to cover themselves with when the weather turns!

 

Crampon Wholewheat

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This lady needs to CUT.It. OUT! What a nut! She's definitely the class clown in this season of Desperate Housewives! Driven mad by having watched her brother get torn to pieces by mutts in the 72nd Hunger Games, Crampon has lost any semblance of rational control! Who knows what she'll do next? Not her, we can tell you that!

 

Honeyloaf Dewmelon

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Honeyloaf's OK I guess, but she doesn't really stand out.

 

What other gals should be on the Real Housewives of District 12? Let us know in the comments!

 

Check Out Katniss's Favorite Restaurants In District 12!