Real Reasons Why You Got Rejected From College

Applying to colleges can be a stressful but exciting time. You ruled high school, so any institution of higher learning would be lucky to have you. But then you get the dreaded thin envelope reply… rejected? But you’re awesome?!? How did this happen? Where did you go wrong? Imma break it down for you.

 

Vulgar E-mail Address

In the real world you need to have an email that is professional sounding… your name or some variation of it is a good start. No respectable university wants their student directory filled with the likes of [email protected] or [email protected].

 

Bad Essay

Your essay is a chance for you to show the obstacles you have overcome and how you want to grow as a person. It would be most unimpressive to write an essay describing the profound impact Lindsay Lohan has had on your life. No college wants to take on a student who will potentially embarrass the school in an alcohol-induced sex scandal involving the gender studies professor.

 

They Saw Your Facebook Page

The scary truth is your Facebook page is often perused by people who have your future in their hands. Do you really want them to know that one of your inspirations is Jenna Jameson? Or that your favorite quote is “You know your drunk when you try to use the flame of a lighter to open a locked door hahahaha!” Colleges do not look kindly on people who don’t know the proper use of your and you’re.

 

Questionable Volunteer Service

Building houses for the poor, becoming a Big Brother, spending time with the elderly—volunteering is good. But you should never brag about something that was court-ordered. And FYI… what you’ve learned from your three DUIs is not a good essay topic.

 

You Write In Text Speak

K they totes lol at yr app when it came 2 admishuns. Iz ok bb! Mikeydz iz hirun. Evry 1 no smrt!

 

Lame Extra-curricular Activities

Extra-curricular activities show that you are a well-rounded person with an intellectual curiosity. Debate team, Chess Club, Mathletes… college admissions offices love to see that you’ve participated in this kind of crap. Writing an online guide of Portal 2 cheats, detention and taking a piss in 274 of the 388 national parks… not so much.

 

Bad Teacher Recommendation Letter

You thought Mr. Griff was your boy! But he never forgave you after you called him out for staring at a hot sophomore’s Bunsen burner. Whatevs… he’s just a nerdy chem teacher who wouldn’t dare jeopardize your college dreams. But he is not just a pushover dork, he is an 18th level Archmange. And he’s about to go D & D on your ass.

You Included An Explosive Device In Your Application Package

The way to get your application to stand out is with impressive academic and personal achievement. Not with the homemade gunpowder-ignited confetti explosion of a high school Unabomber. No college wants the valedictorian of dumbass.

 

What are some other reasons you might get rejected from college? Let us know in the comments!

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