Reasons Batman Should Be President

I'm not going to lie to you — as of late, politics are making me angry. There are so many back room deals, quiet earmarks, and overall corruption that I've begun to completely lose faith in the system. But there's one man who can clean up the the US political system. Because he is a silent guardian. A watchful protector. A dark knight. And a natural born citizen over 35 years of age.

 

More awesome State of the Union address

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Listen, Batman-s not going to waste any time writing a stupid speech for the petty, weak members of Congress. But it is Constitutionally mandated that the President delivers a State of the Union adress each year. So Batman will do what Batman does when he gets into a tricky situation — summon thousands of Bats and run away. Congress might catch on to this trick after the fourth time he tries it, though.

Will bring down the national debt

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Batman could just write a check and end America's debt crisis. Honest to God, the entire national debt is maybe a month's rent on that outer space satellite he bought the Justice League just to f*ck around in.

 

 

Fight all the wars himself

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Do you honestly believe that Afghan insurgents are harder to fight than Clayface? That dude can turn his hand into an axe!

 

Batarangs in economic meetings

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Batarangs would solve one a least one major crisis the current Obama administration is dealing with, as there have been recent reports that no one knows how to get Federal Reserve Chairman Ben Bernanke to just shut up for like five seconds so someone else can make a point, Jesus.

 

Won't back down to lobbyists

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Batman would not take any special interests into consideration as President. It'll quickly become clear to Washington lobbyists that it's better to accept that Iowa won't be getting its' corn subsidies this year than listen to the President yell "WHERE ARE THE DRUGS" at you for an hour and a half.

 

Potentially cool Vice President

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Granted, Batman might go conservative with his VP pick — an Alfred, Superman or even, ugh, Robin type— but there is the chance he would pick Batgirl, who would instantly become the foxiest Vice President in our nation's history. Sorry you're going to have to give up that honor, Spiro Agnew.

 

He would run against The Joker

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Because he's so strongly against the death penalty, I have to assume Batman is a Democrat. Therefore, Republicans would have to choose someone to defeat a President Batman running for reelection. The only person who can match Batman is his eternal nemesis, the cop-murdering, anarchy-espousing Joker. And actually, this would be a great sign for the Republican party because it would indicate that they've finally begun to move towards more mainstream, reasonable candidates again.

What reasons do you have for wanting Batman as president? Let us know in the comments below!

 

Check out Batman catches The Riddler!