7 Roles Better For Taylor Lautner Than 'Abduction'

Taylor Lautner's latest film "Abduction" recieved a higher aggregate score on Rotten Tomatoes than most people expected. It received 5%. Out of 100%. Other movies that scored significantly higher than Abduction include "Beverly Hills Chihuahua" and the classic sequel to "Beverly Hills Chihuahua," "Beverly Hills Chihuahua 2." Even looking at the billboards and posters made it abundantly clear that Taylor wasn't suited to the role of Nathan Harper, the man who has the uneasy feeling that he's living someone else's life. So what are some roles that Taylor made do better at?

 

Jug Bear In An Animatronic Bear Jug Band

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It won't be as taxing for him as acting, all he'll have to do is blow into a jog.

 

Weekend Dad

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You barely have to be a father if you only have the kids on the weekend. Even on the rare occasions when he had the kids all he'd have to do is watch TV, drink beer, let them wander around the house, and make sure they don't get their heads caught in the dryer.

 

Odie

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Dialogue isn't really Taylor's thing. Luckily Odie's the only character in Garfield that doesn't say a thing. All he'll need is some plastic surgeory to elongate his tonuge and fill it with sweat glands so it leaks more.

 

Dementor

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Taylor, as Taylor's own agent has stated, would make an amazing Dementor, because the particular diet that he subsists on to keep his body in peak physical condition consists almost exclusively of sucking the positive emotions out of humans.

 

A Guy That Walks Around Getting Hit In The Head

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Taylor spends most of his time looking like he just got hit in th head by a board anyway, he might as well get paid for it.

 

Abercrombie And Fitch Greeter

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All he'd have to do is not wear a shirt and smile at folks. And since he majored in not wearing shirts in college, and minored in smiling he'd be putting his degree to good use. The only part of the job he probably wouldn't like is that Abercrombie and Fitch is owned by a giant sentient cat who goes to the bathroom in a litter box the size of an SUV, and all new greeters are required to clean it daily.

 

Abduction 2: Gone Abductifyin'!

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It would be direct to DVD so it wouldn't be so embarrasing for him if it didn't do well.

 

What other roles would Taylor be good at? Let us know in the comments!

 

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