Royal Wedding Recap (For People Who Don't Give A Damn)

For those of you who didn't set your alarm clock for 2am this morning to watch the Royal Wedding here's a brief recap. It took hours for all of this to happen but I'm going to lay it out for you in just a few minutes. Honestly, I watched the whole thing and this is really all there was to it.

Prince William and Prince Henry (aka Harry) arrived at the Abbey looking like actual princes for the first time in their lives. They shook hands with people and saluted people and then made their way through the church. William looked cool as a cucumber. He's clearly trained his entire life for days like today.

The Queen was last to arrive before the bride. The Queen always has to be the last to arrive... unless it's a wedding, then she arrives right before the bride, who gets to be last. That's how it works in the UK yo!

Then the bride showed up last. They played some really regal music and she walked up the aisle real slow. Like REEEEELLLY SLOW. It took forever for her to get to the front of the church.

Prince William didn't turn around and look at her at all as she walked up the aisle. Though Harry did take a peek and then whispered to William... I imagine he said something like... "She looks hot bro." But William totally waited for her to stand next to him before he even looked at his bride/Princess/Queen.

I have to be honest, she's super beautiful but she looked really tired. Her face looked like someone who hadn't slept much... her eyes were tired and she seemed nervous. I'd be nervous too. Weddings seem nerve-wracking enough without it being broadcast around the world. Also, she's not just marrying a dude... she just married a whole country and that's a lot of pressure, even for a society girl.

He liked it, so he put a ring on it!

They exchanged some vows, which only took a few minutes, then they had a whole church service and that took up a lot of time. You kinda just want them to kiss and get to the party... but NO! The Queen made them sit through an entire service. The bishop or whatever they call it over there, prayed for the Royal couple to have children... It's real important that they carry on the family line so this b*tch better be fertile yo!

That was about it. They're married now. They walk out of the church (which takes forever), they get into a carriage (which takes forever) and they ride away.

Their next stop is this balcony at Buckingham Palace where they are supposed to kiss like so many other Royal couples before them.

The day was so perfect that you knew that somewhere... something had to go wrong and finally something did!

In a picture perfect day with thousands of police and mounted Household Calvary members on horseback... finally one of the horses got spooked by the crowd and threw its rider, then bolted past the newly married couple on their way to Buckingham Palace.

Sweet! And though it was a mistake, and clearly not meant to happen, it created even MORE picture perfect moments and a funny story for the couple to tell their children.

So they get to the balcony and not only did they kiss...

They kiss twice!

Of course the crowd loved it. I don't know how long their marriage will last but they seem to really be in love, so that's cool. A lot of future Kings don't get to marry for love, like William's father... so it's nice that the Queen actually approved the girl that he was into.

I enjoyed all of this. I know that a lot of people went kinda nuts with this Royal Wedding but it didn't really bother me. It was nice for the news to be focused on something positive and happy, instead of tragedy and disaster. I was actually kind of fascinated by all of it.

Did you watch the Royal Wedding? Do you care? Are you so glad it's over? Do you care about the Royal family at all? How many of you just looked at the pictures and didn't bother to read this? Yeah, me too.

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