Science Finds Cure For Ketchup Stuck In Bottles!

One of the most important moments in a young man's life is the first time he goes out for a burger with his grandpa. But as we all know, if the boy isn't able to pour his own ketchup on his burger because it gets stuck in the bottle, the grandpa gets disappointed and leaves the restaurant and then he's no longer that boy's grandpa.


kid alone at restaurant
That's how it works for everyone, right?
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But I think we're about to see a lot fewer boys lose their grandfathers forever with the development of a slippery, non-toxic substance to coat the inside of bottles. It makes even a condiment as thick as ketchup slide right on out.


portal red gel
I think we know where the idea came from.
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It's called LiquiGlide, and it's being developed by an MIT PhD candidate name of Dave Smith, along with a team of nano-technologists, who are apparently on break from working on computers for our blood. Check it out it action—

Guys, we're in the future! Our ketchup is easy to pour, so you can finally relax everyone demanding flying cars, computers in our bloodstream, and cities inexplicably built in the sky! And, speaking of cities built in the sky, are there any anthropologists out there who can give me even one reason why The Jetsons would make their civilization into one big house on the side of a cliff?


jetsons city
No toddler in the Jetsons' universe has ever gone outside.
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But in any event, the future is going to come in innovations like LiquiGlide for ketchup—small innovations that solve problems we didn't even know we had. The flying car isn't going to be introduced at the 2014 Ford car show (that's probably what they call them), it's going to come at the 2043 Ford car show after the 2028 show introduces bouncier tires and the 2031 show introduces four foot struts to make our cars taller and the 2037 show introduces eight foot struts to make our cars taller still and the 2041 show introduces cars that can hover for moments at a time. What I'm saying is, don't expect a lot vis a vis flying from the 2014 model.


new car display
Now with taller seats!
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The thing is, because they're so incremental, each innovation will be greeted with boredom and cynics asking what the point was. The point is progress, you jackals, and I'm ready to be excited about easy to use ketchup, because I know that, like all innovations, it's the first step to something that could be magical.


ketchup squirt guns
ALL WARS: OVER
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Does easy-to-use ketchup make you excited for the future? Let me know on Twitter or leave a comment below!

 


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