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Scientists Prove The Obvious...Four Loko Drinkers Are Dumb

So a new report has been released by the Annals Of Emergency Medicine about good old Four Loko. It seems that after studying 11 cases of Four Loko lovers who ended up in the ER after a night of enjoying 'black out in a can,' scientists have concluded...wait for it...that underage binge drinkers and caffeinated alcoholic beverages are not a good mix. I KNOW, RIGHT?

You can come to the same conclusion by just looking at this picture below. Now where's my research grant money, science?

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The study's lead author said that after the drink was released in 2010, doctors in the ER started seeing an increase in the admissions of highly intoxicated young people, including one who was found passed out on the subway tracks! I'm pretty sure this photo is representative of what he was doing an hour before going nighty-night in a puddle of subway homeless man urine. 

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The study also finds that the bright colors not only attract underage drinkers, they also confuse the person behind the register into selling it to minors, because it appears to be just another energy drink. SERIOUSLY?? Can we get rid of the people confused and attracted to things just because they see bright colors??? So much so that they take in NO other information? Unless of course they are small children.

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The study  goes on to say that even though the original Four Loko formula has been changed, the damage has already been done by popularizing the alcohol/caffeine combo--which has gone on to popularize 'The Lost Weekend And Well Into The Next Week' syndrome.

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So thanks science for once again telling us what we all know...Four Loko is like Wheaties for drunken d-bags and it makes them do d-bagey things.

Like ruin perfectly good bacon after seeing this on Epic Meal Time.

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Dance like this:

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And ruin all possibilities that a respectable girl will marry them and willingly pass their genes on to future generations.

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Don't worry...there are still plenty of SAFER things to pound if you wanna look like a drunken d-bag fool, fool!

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Are you surprised by these findings? REALLY? Have you or someone you know ever tried Four Loko? Let us know in the comments!

Check Out 4 Reasons Why Four Loko Will Kill You!

Tags: four, loko, scientific, study