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Seven Things That Won't Help You in a Dog Attack
As a Smosh Pit public service, Ian compiled this expertly illustrated list of ways not to survive a dog attack.
7. Stop, Drop, and Roll
While this may work for when you're on fire, Dog ≠ Fire
6. Say Mean Things About its Mother
This could work against a kid in 3rd grade, but dogs find mother jokes to be EXTREMELY offensive.
5. Coat Genitals with Peanut Butter
Unless you're into that kinda thing.
4. Cry
Killer dogs feed on tears of the weak.
3. Bark Back
If you bark back to it, chances are you just said something about its mother in dog language -- and we already know how that ends up.
2. Try to Make Out With It
Scientists have proven that all dogs are extremely homophobic. If a dog thinks you are trying to come onto him, and you're the same sex as it, prepare for that dog to commit some serious hate crimes on your ass.
AND THE #1 THING YOU SHOULDN'T DO IN A DOG ATTACK.....
1. Start Playing Anything by the Baha Men
And by "Anything by the Baha Men" I mean their song "Who Let The Dogs Out" because that's really the only song anybody knows from them.
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177 Comments
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saiedge
1 day ago
lmao @5 and 1 lol
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rayan77k
6 days ago
llolololoololol
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PrincessOfZombies
6 days ago
number 5, i lawled. xDDD
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lolwutmom
1 week ago
Number 5 was the best one!!! LOL
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lolwutmom
1 week ago
Number 5 was the best one!!! LOL
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wertysage
1 week ago
stop drop roll LOL
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malakinishad
1 week ago
I should have looked at this a couple of days ago. My brother was killed in a dog attack.
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papasponge
1 week ago
WHO LET THE DOGS OUT oh crap ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh heeeelp
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Kayru
1 week ago
Best Smosh article ever.
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froggyo
1 week ago
the third one was funny and odd at the fame time :P but mostly funny X[)
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tortera82
2 weeks ago
AWESOME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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16kriek
2 weeks ago
ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha.......random
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Bayron
2 weeks ago
hahahahahahhaha funnier than the videos!!!!!!
Ian rulz!!!
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box man person
2 weeks ago
give the dog some beef-n-go
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kitta123
2 weeks ago
Haha OMG this is amazing I can't believe you guys can come up with this kind of stuff like 4 times a week! Your really have great comic minds!
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kamea36912
2 weeks ago
"Scientists have proven that all dogs are extremely homophobic" Haha! Good one. You guys are amazing! Keep up with the great work! :)
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Elizabeth1
3 weeks ago
The second one is HILLARIOUS!!! These are amazing LMAO :)
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smosh 09
3 weeks ago
who let the dogs out LOL!
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uglyman39
3 weeks ago
fawakkels are awesome
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candygirl123
3 weeks ago
#2 is the best LMFAO:P:P:P
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begin
3 weeks ago
Baha man made that song, nice to know, something that will help is to stop moving.
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Churrogirl_818
3 weeks ago
rofl
son of a female dog!!
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UnIuckyDucky
3 weeks ago
i like 4 the best :D
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markus2704
3 weeks ago
7 is the best who let the dogs out? hehe funny :D
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rachelrox505
3 weeks ago
LOLOL
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serenaxox
3 weeks ago
rofl = rolling on the floor laughing
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beto25
4 weeks ago
six is the best
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millie+twetty
4 weeks ago
#5 is th funniest one to me!
Q: what does "rolf" mean?
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millie+twetty
4 weeks ago
#5 is th funniest one to me!
Q: what does "rolf" mean?
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YOUWANTBEEF
4 weeks ago
ROFLcopters, and wats with teh thumbs up on number 5, also love the wording for the caption on 4
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tomc44
4 weeks ago
OMFG THATS THE FUNIEST THING THING IVE SEEN
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braywolf639
4 weeks ago
LOL! "TEAR - INDUCED RAGE MODE!"
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timon11
4 weeks ago
lol :D
the best one is stop-drop-roll
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nick13216
4 weeks ago
awsome@!!!!!!
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salimsanehikilla
4 weeks ago
HA
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sticks10
4 weeks ago
it was funny
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bleach15
4 weeks ago
to conner102
shane dawson is just perverted.
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bleach15
4 weeks ago
this is hilarious how?.........
it was not THAT funny,
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SgtFocko
4 weeks ago
my sides are hurting rofl
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burninfirefox
4 weeks ago
Lol! Really funny.
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tarynnnk
4 weeks ago
hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahah ahahahahahahahahahaahahahahahahahaahahah....hilari ous
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Jonnycoollove
4 weeks ago
i like #5
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conner102
4 weeks ago
shane dawson is cooler
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OMGitzisabel
4 weeks ago
Shane Dawson makes out with his dog Miley and he never got eaten!
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iamdanik
4 weeks ago
That's not the only song known by the Baha Men, you're forgetting the song that was in Shrek, BEST DAYS OF OUR LIVES So actually there are 2 songs known by them!!!
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jake13
4 weeks ago
EPIC!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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pippin95
4 weeks ago
ian u r an amazing artist
i dare someone to try any of those someday haha
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xUgotPWNEDx
5 weeks ago
LOL who in thr hell would coat their genitals with peanut butter in a dog attack LOL
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NIMIDI
5 weeks ago
wow
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PenguinAttack
5 weeks ago
the 3rd is the best
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