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Seven Things That Won't Help You in a Dog Attack

Posted By: Ian on 02.03.10

As a Smosh Pit public service, Ian compiled this expertly illustrated list of ways not to survive a dog attack.

7. Stop, Drop, and Roll

While this may work for when you're on fire, Dog ≠ Fire

6. Say Mean Things About its Mother

This could work against a kid in 3rd grade, but dogs find mother jokes to be EXTREMELY offensive.

5. Coat Genitals with Peanut Butter

Unless you're into that kinda thing.

4. Cry

Killer dogs feed on tears of the weak.

3. Bark Back

If you bark back to it, chances are you just said something about its mother in dog language -- and we already know how that ends up.

2. Try to Make Out With It

Scientists have proven that all dogs are extremely homophobic. If a dog thinks you are trying to come onto him, and you're the same sex as it, prepare for that dog to commit some serious hate crimes on your ass.

AND THE #1 THING YOU SHOULDN'T DO IN A DOG ATTACK.....

1. Start Playing Anything by the Baha Men

And by "Anything by the Baha Men" I mean their song "Who Let The Dogs Out" because that's really the only song anybody knows from them.

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248 Comments

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AwesomeMaka10

2 weeks ago

also don't try to play dead.

aww_firetruck!

30 weeks ago

lol try to make out with it X)

lmfao_smosh_rules

31 weeks ago

Best. Illustrations. EVAR :DD

DEATH MEATAL ROKER 9

32 weeks ago

WHAT HAPPENS IF YYOU ATTACH A BONE 2 UR BUTT

ata10ima

32 weeks ago

thats hilarious! i luv how all of a sudden u c the kids skull at the end

totle

35 weeks ago

so gory...lol

011022

49 weeks ago

lolz try 2 make out with it!!!!!!! XD

Kung Poo

51 weeks ago

lol cover genitals with pb

Operation Ivy

54 weeks ago

................Heheh.
Try to make out with it XD

abby_fan of smosh

58 weeks ago

LMAO

PaltaBoy

59 weeks ago

ooh I've been dogphobic for most of my life :(

Nyccster

61 weeks ago

"Killer dogs feed on the tears of the weak" xD so firetruckin' funny

RubenDelight

64 weeks ago

i actually didnt know who let the dogs out was by baha menxD i only knew Holla from the garfield movie:P

Dark6710

64 weeks ago

Last 1 is the funniest

ZOMGThatGuy!

64 weeks ago

coat genitals with peanut butter. lol

MusicStereo42

64 weeks ago

LOL The last one i laughed sooooo hard.

sk8rboycnr96

66 weeks ago

RAGE MODE!! lmao

ben967

68 weeks ago

i like # 4

pixiedust357

69 weeks ago

#4 was the funniest one.

k2061505

72 weeks ago

really? make out with a DOG? ewwwwwwwwwwwwww...

random123ABZ

73 weeks ago

my 4 year old brother makes out with his dog. (gross)

mimigoesrawr

76 weeks ago

Omfg! I love this :D

Remily

76 weeks ago

The last one was, uh, good? D:

Tomnourry

76 weeks ago

Lol at n°5 I said : "WTF ??"

cassie159

76 weeks ago

The dog looks like a chihuahua and lol @1 a whole bunch of evil chihuahuas xD

FlareRegion

76 weeks ago

I love seeing this again. :'D Its so funny!!!

NinjaDinosaurr

76 weeks ago

LMFAO!

bananahero

77 weeks ago

ahahhaha xD

zenman

79 weeks ago

humping the dog wouldnt work either

paperbaloney86

80 weeks ago

my ex boyfriend would do #5

stink face

80 weeks ago

FOLLOW THESE STEPS 1. COVER YOUR MOUTH WITH YOUR HAND 2. WHISPER A WISH INTO YOUR HAND 3. POST THIS ON TO TEN OTHER COMMENTS 4. NOW LOOK AT YOUR HAND

AshB

82 weeks ago

**** im ment to type seriously not seriosly... hahahahaha

AshB

82 weeks ago

you are seriosly mental if you wanna/ or even try to make out with a dog :-/

boredumisboring

82 weeks ago

wow thank you smosh when my aunts pmsing dog attacks me i wont do that i will coat my neighbors cat in peanut butter!!!!! i hate cats btw

andydrms

83 weeks ago

I cracked up on the crying one, tear-induced rage mode! rotfl

nycsmoshfan

83 weeks ago

lol peanut butter, why!?

ANTWO91

83 weeks ago

lol lol
your moms a bitch

Dra_Drea

84 weeks ago

WOW JUST WHEN I THOUGHT U GUYS COULDNT THINK OF ANYTHING ELSE CRAZY.

louieblu

84 weeks ago

You really dont want to do yo mama jokes to a dog. i dont know y though. a emale dog is really named a bitch so i think that would be a compliment if u were a dog! i wouldnt know! :P

the last t-rex

84 weeks ago

lol i love this ian and anthony rock

papadappla

84 weeks ago

my friend made out with my dog once XD

ShockGamer

86 weeks ago

You forgot to put in, "Singing Justin Bieber songs."

Baby, baby, baby O baby!