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Signs You Need To Delete That Facebook Friend

Posted By: Mikey McCollor on 01.06.12

I don't know about you, but I have a really hard time turning down a Facebook friend request. It seems so harsh to have a person ask to come into your life only to be shot down with an incredibly harsh "ignore". But even the generosity of the kindest man (me) has its' limits. Here are the signs to look for when it's finally time to unfriend that Facebook friend.

They link their Facebook to their Twitter

I do wish my Facebook friends could keep these separate. When I follow you on Twitter it's because I'm interested in what you have to say. If I friend you on Facebook it's because I'm too nice to ignore your friend request or you have a hot friend I want to date. Those things are mutually exclusive.

Depressing statuses that aren't elaborated upon

Listen, Facebook friend, I'm here for you if you need something. I mean, I won't reply on FB chat, but you know what I mean. But I've read books about feelings. I've heard that sometimes people have them. It's okay to be sad, but if you're going to say something say it. Don't be cryptic. You're writing your Facebook status, not the DaVinci Code follow-up entitled The Lost Symbol.

Posting pictures of their feet

DON'T GROSS GOD I HATE FEET GOD DON'T BE GROSS GO TO HELL UGH GOD GROSS.

They start spoiling Game of Thrones because they read the books

George R.R. Martin's books started out as great fantasy literature, but the moment that rad TV show launched on HBO, they became printed, published spoilers. There's not a lot people can do to make me more angry than spoiling TV shows. Did you know that the reason MySpace went away is because so many people were posting spoilers about Lost? That is quite possibly true!

They have a kid

I hate to say this, every Facebook friend I've ever had, but I hate your kids. Kids suck. They're the worst. They cry all the time and poop all over themselves. It's like dating a Kardashian (that was probably unfair). See, the thing is, everyone in the world hates everyone else's kids, but if you have this weird biological switch flip suddenly you find yourself protecting and caring for this stupid thing that can't even comprehend that when they close their eyes the other people in the room don't disappear, let alone have any insight into the Republican nomination process or Clooney's performance in The Descendants.

Pointless status updates

I shouldn't have to explain this, but just go watch movies. You might not like it, but Facebook isn't going to save you from a bad film. You don't need to set up a poll for Christ's sake. Would you do this for anything else besides movies? "Hey, has anyone tried this soap I found at the 99? Thinking about cleaning myself."

Changing their profile picture to, like, a Laker's logo

Profile pictures are for your face, genius. Unless you're friends with someone who literally has the face of the Los Angeles Laker's logo. In which case, congratulations on being so open-minded. I vowed I would never again be friends with someone with a basketball team's logo for a face. Not after Jeff.

What are your tell-tale signs of a Facebook friendship that's gone on past its' expiration point? Post them in the comments!

Check out 20 Hilarious Facebook Grammar Fails!!

Tags: facebook, friend, game of thrones, lakers, social media, twitter

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31 Comments

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kniroid

8 weeks ago

you forgot about those that keep liking sports stores.

daniluvv

18 weeks ago

haha this is funny... just keep your personal life personal, and your facebook life...........well, less public......and weird.......

beautifuldawn

19 weeks ago

omg, please marry me. I hate feet and kids too!!! And I have totally deleted people for being pregnant. Their disgusting stomach pictures make me want to puke and gouge out my eyes.

SimplyStephanie

19 weeks ago

I dislike the creepy one's that just don't understand I don't want to talk to them(even when I never respond back) &still ALWAYS message me. Ughhh :l

thatguy.sammo

19 weeks ago

wow, you really dont like this Marie chick xD

chiom00

19 weeks ago

When you are chatting with them but you dont really like them so you respond with 1 word answers and they still dont get that you think they r crazy annoying-
"Hey, I was at my aunt's house the other day!"
"ok"
"She made awesome cookies :D"
"great"
"My uncle ate them all though"
"fantastic"

whatchulookinat

19 weeks ago

another sign..
if the friends name is Marie
(if one of your friends are named marie, unfriend them)

sofie.loves.smosh

19 weeks ago

WTF? •_•

melodyalexis

19 weeks ago

My entire feed is "I HATE MY LIFE DON'T BOTHER ME" or ultrasound pictures. >.<

cartoonluver

19 weeks ago

When people like their own statuses, that is so annoying!!!

kilomike69

19 weeks ago

Dayna J or Marie?..=D

binttt

19 weeks ago

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nowisdasick

19 weeks ago

-.-

bernardo0074

19 weeks ago

WTF................how i get here

Mystery Stewpot

19 weeks ago

You get here by clicking it. That's how.

Lindz612

19 weeks ago

Why should you unfriend someone just because they have a kid? Not everyone is a self-assuring asshole like whoever mikey mccollor is.

Mangolango

19 weeks ago

Poor Marie Jergenson... (>•~•)> {*_*} <(•~•<)

Bree bree

19 weeks ago

There goes all my friends:(

Wildrose13

20 weeks ago

How about when people post that they got tweeted by a mildly famous person i.e. snooki or that 14 year old from the x-factor.

WalkingContradiction

20 weeks ago

When people write "You really suck! how could you do this to me! etc, and people ofc. ask, "whats going on?" And the person just answer "chat" .. Pisses me off, why couldn't you just in the first place tell the people you wanted to tell it to, and not write it like that, where its only 1/4 of your facebook friends you want to know it..

someoneontheinternet

20 weeks ago

think she got the message?

Sakura1011

20 weeks ago

When they're constantly posting chain mail >.<

Sakuralol

20 weeks ago

This person must REALLY be annoyed my Marie haha

Yes Yes I love smosh

20 weeks ago

yum yum yum ... I think that is already annoying

SasoriSama

20 weeks ago

Those high school friends who only post statuses or love lyrics or poems of their love for their girlfriend/boyfriend who they've been going out for like a month or two. It's really annoying.