Six Secret Endings of LOST
The long-awaited final season of Lost begins tonight, and fans across the country are hoping that all the secrets of the islands will finally be revealed. We here at Smosh were able to break into the super-secret Lost production HQ, and find out what's really going to happen this season.
Will Kate and Jack finally end up together? Will the Island finally get a Taco Bell? Can Sawyer finally figure out how to put on a shirt? Check below for the secrets we discovered!
1. A New Breed
We finally discover Jack's true purpose, and what the island wanted -- it was to lead everyone back to begin a new race of half-horse half-human that will ultimately dominate the globe. Don't worry -- Kate will still be hot as a half-horse. But Hurley will eat all the grass.
2. This Should Be Obvious By Now
Jacob turns out to be the time-traveling son of Walt, who was a genetically African-American version of an alternate version of John Locke, who actually was cloned from the original John Locke, a 17th-Century English philosopher who would have loved to have sex with Kate.
The philosopher John Locke was created by Faraday, who didn't die and who actually built the Black Rock to hide from Penny who time-traveled to a time just after he was born to take him into the future. Got it?
3. Let Me Count the Ways
Each episode of the entire 6th Season is just 43 minutes of footage of Lost creators Damon Lindlelof and Carlton Cuse counting their money and cackling. That is the "secret of the Island." That they will become very, very rich.
4. Pimp Sauce
Ben will kill everyone and get all the 'hos. End of story.
5. Mystical Fungus
The mysterious, gigantic foot statue will turn out to have really bad case of fungus, and the entire 6 season of Lost will be revealed to have been a commercial for "Tough Actin' Tinactin."
6. Cameron Will Answer Everything
Ending? What ending? Silly, mortal fools--you thought your wait was over? You don't get to find out what happens.
You will have to pay $39 Spacebucks in 2021 when James Cameron finishes the 4D version of "LOST: The Movie," seven years late and a mere $2.3 billion over budget.