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Smosh.com’s Crystal Ball Gazes Into Your Future

Posted By: Smosh on 06.10.10

Smosh.com's resident psychic thatjerkdan looks into your future with these amazing psychic predictions!

GOTHS

Sure, now you think moping around cemeteries and cutting yourself while you read Trent Reznor’s blog is just great.

But, when you get older you’re going to go to college, get a job as a graphic artist and settle down into a nice condo and drive a minivan. Enjoy the dark, inner sadness while you can. Someday you’ll think TV shows like “Two And A Half Men” are a hoot.

JOCKS

You guys may rule the school and get all the girls now. So, enjoy it while you can.

Because you’re going to peak at 19 and it’s all downhill after that.

NERDS

Yes, you may suffer a daily onslaught of verbal abuse, cruel practical jokes and the occasional visit to the bottom of a trash can head-first.

However, all that tinkering you do with video games and computers is going to pay off when you get older, big time. We didn’t include a future photo of you. Instead here’s a picture of the kind of girls that you’re going to date and hookup with in the back of your private limousines, yachts and jets.

THIS GUY

You are just chillin’.

You will just kind of… continue to chill. (But maybe wear some sunblock, you’re looking a little leathery.)

BULLIES

Bullies may think they’re pretty tough now. But we know something they don’t know.

This is what the kid on the right grows up to do for a job.

This is what the bully on the left grows up to do for a job.

POPULAR GIRLS

Your teachers adore you. All the cute boys text and chase after you. You ignore anyone not as cool, popular and all-around fantabulous as you are. Enjoy it while it lasts.

Because someday your outsides are going to catch up with your insides. And when they do, that cell phone won’t be ringing anymore.

AWKWARD GIRLS WHO GO TO PROM WITH THEIR COUSINS

Right now life is pretty tough. None of the guys pay you any attention and people treat you pretty rude, if they acknowledge you at all. Tough it out.

Because all of those nerds-turned-millionaires are going to need someone to ride around with them in all those limousines, yachts and jets.

Check out Future Man!

Tags: comedic, comedy, fortune, funny, future, horoscope, humor

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102 Comments

Post new comment

eberturd

5 weeks ago

im definatly the stoner

Griff48432

13 weeks ago

yay 4 private jets!

rwhite

18 weeks ago

Yes!
Now I'm more proud of my nerdiness!

GrrrrrYou

45 weeks ago

i'm just going to become a crazy old hermit who lives in a cave and spouts insanity at strangers who come near.

TheSchweetGal

46 weeks ago

I'm not any of those... I'm like an awkward girl & a popular girl at the same time... I have a boyfriend but I'm not in the "popular" group...

ajrox99

49 weeks ago

apparently im going to be pretty f'in hot.

gpigz77

51 weeks ago

@erinthegallent
WIN!!!
(and im not even emo!!)

zennanyah

51 weeks ago

Thanks I got some HP regain when I saw nerds, but are you still considered one when you consider yourself one because I am pretty proud to be one so when it comes up yay!.

NekroNightshade

62 weeks ago

@RockonStudio wow you're an idiot. maybe you should actually read it first. imbecile.

superspongebob

72 weeks ago

gosh, i'm so glad i'm not the popular girl :D

max480

74 weeks ago

Erin, I think if you're emo and you don't do that cutting yourself candy, then aren't you actually goth?

ErintheGallant

76 weeks ago

@pixiedust357 Wow, don't be such a douche. Emo is a fashion trend/type of music, and only people who are depressed kill/cut themselves. Maybe get a brain and some education, donkeyhole. Not to be mean.

xxbbrieexx

76 weeks ago

sooooooooooo..
i guess i'm just gonna chill for the rest of my life.
cool.

monmon

77 weeks ago

EWWW @fat girls

pixiedust357

77 weeks ago

@pixilatedgrace if ur emo dont u kill yourselves off? so there wouldnt be one. not to be mean.

BarbaraLovesDogs

78 weeks ago

awww i love the last one

hi my name is who

78 weeks ago

yay i get a jet i just dont hope it makes me get a shx change

Pixilated Grace

78 weeks ago

What about us emo kids? T^T

Magalink

78 weeks ago

I'm not neither any of those :O

Fishycrackers

78 weeks ago

@supersniper SPEAK THE TRUTH! :D

RockonStudio

78 weeks ago

how would a nerdy dude that turns into a hot supermodel be true

JovaniSkye

78 weeks ago

Hahaha! Oh man, it's even funnier because it's so damn true! xD

supersniper

78 weeks ago

N3RDS RULE! That's right 3 not E.

clutzs

80 weeks ago

YES! female nerd- time to ride the sexy boat :D

Nezukiba

84 weeks ago

number 4 is like my older brother.. : P

nishrockman10

85 weeks ago

yay im a nerd!!

cloudeater

86 weeks ago

@piplup32
no one likes you at all ? well ...
then I like you now :}

piplup32

86 weeks ago

THanks :3 For teh last one :c No one likes me at all and that one gave meh a bit of hope! YOu made my day smosh. Thank you

RandomSmoshFan:D

89 weeks ago

Thanks Smosh, you inspired me. :) GO NERDS! >:D

RandomSmoshFan:D

89 weeks ago

Thanks Smosh, you inspired me. :) GO NERDS! >:D

jaja136

89 weeks ago

some people call me nerd other people call me goth soooo i think im like both( if that's even possible) so i really dont know which one but honestly i prefer the first one, the billionaire one is just

Hollywood7

91 weeks ago

ok I will tell the truth i am the last one but I am not fat and i dont go to prom with my cousins. :)

xxsoundsofviolencexx

92 weeks ago

haha yes! I'm a loser now so I'll be gorgeous when I grow up! :D

emosk8ergirl

93 weeks ago

thats so true

RenzoCapurro

94 weeks ago

I'm a nerd so I win!

lizzyrox

95 weeks ago

im kinda a nerd i gess

clutzs

96 weeks ago

YEAH I WIN FOOL!

nigahigarocks!

96 weeks ago

FOLLOW THESE STEPS 1. COVER YOUR MOUTH WITH YOUR HAND 2. WHISPER A WISH INTO YOUR HAND 3. POST THIS ON TO TEN OTHER COMMENTS 4. NOW LOOK AT YOUR HAND

5296ryan

96 weeks ago

im a nerd and proud of it too

jhon0130

96 weeks ago

yay im a nerd... I WIN!!!

Muse28

98 weeks ago

you guys made me feel better about myself. thank you in all honesty. so what category are you in? i really wanna know.

mediana

99 weeks ago

hey, Anthony & Ian, which of those types were you? I really wana know!

Luc

99 weeks ago

"your outsides are going to catch up with your insides"

This is perfect.

puppetmaster22

99 weeks ago

hey boys why don't you come over here and jiggle my fat XD

puppetmaster22

99 weeks ago

what do you have for a mostly insane person

1Sandy5678

100 weeks ago

1st picture for the NERDS. Eatmewhileimhot posted that picture on their myspace!!!!:)

Pyrox11

100 weeks ago

RANDY COUTURE

Devonthegreat

101 weeks ago

in the fat chicks picture the girl (or whatever it is) just looks like shes prego, but the rest look like they have just had a billion babies shoved in every part of there bodies. ick.