Songs Justin Bieber Will Be Singing When He's Fifty
Justin Bieber's catchy, infectious pop songs about having PG-13 relations with "that special girl" make a lot of sense coming from a kid who still isn't legally able to visit a firing range. But nobody stays Bieber-age forever. We grow up, and get you know, all melty and crap. And whether the Bieberholics know it or not, Justin's gonna get old too, and the things Justin sings about are of course going to grow and change along with him. So what are some songs he's going to sing when he's fifty?
Never Let You Go (Because I Might Fall Over)
All that complicated choreography he does now is taking a serious toll on his body. By the time he's fifty his joints are going to be so weak he's going to need to constantly lean on things to stand.
One Less Lonely Girl... Now That Another Person I Know Died In Some Crazy Way
Time takes everything from us eventually, and it takes even more quickly from people in the music industry. By the time Justin's 50 most of his hard rocking music friends are going to have died at 30 from getting drunk and trying to drive a Ferrari through a moving train.
U Smile, I Take 4ever 2 Go 2 Tha Bathroom
Fancy restaurant food of the kind celebrities are constantly eating is heavily salted, which is exactly the kind of thing that's going to give Justin Bieber lots of gallstones. At 50 half of his bathroom time is going to be him standing there trying to force a stone the size of a wallet out of his urethra.
Eenie Meenie Damnit Why Are There So Many Stairs
Old people like two talk about basically only two things: how great it used to be, and how many damn stairs there are everywhere. Justin Bieber is no exception.
For The Last Time That's Not My Kid
By the time Bieber's 50 he's going to have fathered a lot of illegitimate children. And he's going to have a lot of women claiming their kids are his. It's not going to be easy to tell who are real baby Biebers and who are imposters. The only for sure way to know will be if they carry the "Mark Of Bieber" on their backs, which all true Biebers are born with. It is a grouping of moles in the shape of a serpent coiled around the White House. No one knows what it means but Bieber himself...
Will U Get Me Mi Oatmeal Gurl? (Srsly I'm Hungggry Remixxx)
He'll need it for regularity.
Mostly Say Never
As the realities of adulthood catch up to Bieber he'll slowly realize that more often than not one has to compromise their dreams and values to make it in the world, and he, like all of us, will be crushed by the hell of life in the real world. This will be reflected in his sequel to the classic track "Never Say Never," "Mostly Say Never," which begins with the lyrics: "See I never thought that I could walk through fire/ I never thought I could take the burn/ And I was right/ Fire hurts/ Don't walk in fire/ For that matter don't get out of bed/ It's too humid today
What other songs will Bieber sing when he's 50? Let us know in the comments!