The Strange Careers Of Simon Belmont's Extended Family

Simon and Trevor Belmont have their hands full most of the time slaying Dracula and his evil minions. Though they don't do a great job, as Dracula has come back like a hundred times already, they definitely have a very clear career path. But there are many Belmonts, and not all of them grew up to be vampire slayers. So what do the other Belmonts do for a living?

 

Matt “Mooky” Belmont – Gas Station Assistant Supervisor

Matt wanted to go into Vampire hunting like his brother Simon, but blood always makes him want to barf, so he settled on a quiet life as a gas station attendant. Don't steal from his Arco, unless you want a glowing cross boomerang to the head. Or, if you do want to steal from his Arco, wait until he's out of heart points, then he can't use his boomerang.

 

Didi Belmont – Paralegal For A Law Firm That Specializes In Suing Vampires

Didi never agreed with her brother's decision to take the law into his own hands when it came to vampires. She prefers to fight vampires within the system.

 

Lefty Belmont - Grifter

Lefty Belmont, the black sheep of the family, decided to squander his Belmont legacy greasing rubes on the boardwalk with petty card scams. A typical conversation between Lefty and Trevor Belmont goes likes this: Lefty:” So, what'd you do today Trevor?” Trevor: “Well, I crawled through dungeon full of undead knights, fighting with every ounce of my being until, barely alive, I stood before Dracula himself, the king of evil, and fought with what energy I had until he was no more. What did you do today?” Lefty: “I stole five bucks from a woman with a baby.” Trevor: “...”

 

Bubbles Belmont

Bubbles spends most of his time hiding behind the treasure chest. But sometimes, he swims through the archway.

 

Bloodeater Belmont

Some of the Belmont family suspect that Bloodeater Belmont might have been turned into a vampire and is now being used as a spy within the Belmont family. They suspect him for a variety of reasons including his having changed his name from “Kevin” to “Bloodeater,” his having become extraordinarily pale and ice cold to the touch, and his growing fangs and looking hungry whenever any of them talk about their necks.

 

Dopey Belmont

Not the brightest of the Belmont bunch, Dopey is nonetheless beloved because despite his dull wits and seeming inability to walk without slipping on something, he manages to be simply delightful.

 

Dwayne “The Rock” Belmont

Very few people know that before Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson came to the WWF his name was Dwayne “The Rock” Belmont. He changed his name because he didn't want people to compare him to his father slaying brother and uncle, he wanted to make his own way in the world. But the Belmont blood courses through him, and though he might try, he cannot escape his fate being inextricably intertwined with the foul creature Dracula. Which is why all his girlfriends end up getting eaten by giant bats.

 

What are some of the other Belmonts up to? Let us know in the comments!

Check Out this amazing Video Game Stitchcraft!