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Superbowl Predictions (From A Guy Who Doesn't Get Football)

At this year's Superbowl, the New England Football Guys will meet in an epic clash with the New York Footballers. Despite having never watched a game of football before in my life — interpretive dance was more my style growing up — I've had a few premonitions that I feel pretty good about. Here are my predictions for this Sunday's Superbowl.

 

That guy there jumping? He's going to do good at the Superbowl

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I think that guy is going to walk out of there with more superbowls than ANYONE.

 

This guy is going to use Johnny Cage's Shadow technique


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It's high time Raiden the Thunder God started contributing by granting some players supernatural powers, as he hasn't done anything since he was drafted to the Giants in '09!

 

They're going to throw the football

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One thing I do know about New England is that they are a football team, and football teams often throw the ball to other players on their same team to try and get that ball in the endzone. If I had to guess, I'd think we'll see New England throw the football in this game.

 

New York will pretend they want to stab New England


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After a Patriots score, some of the Giants will come up and do that joke where you pretend you're so mad you just want to stab 'em but they really don't and in good fun. You have to remember, most football players are dads and therefore have a dad's sense of humor.

 

A flashback to the player's early years will occur in the second act


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A revalatory flashback will change the complexion of the game, as we'll learn Eli Manning is actually Tom Brady's long lost baby brother. This has been totally foreshadowed since season 2.

 

Win or lose, New York is going to have a fun time


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They're just happy, fun time guys, you know? Seeing them smile makes ME smile!

 

Sometimes the ball will be poisonous

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From what I understand, sometimes in football there is what's known as a "Doom Ball", when a referee will poison the ball and cause the immediate death of whoever catches it. During a New England possession, some New York Guys will notice the referee poisoning the ball and despite being bitter rivals, will at the last moment push the intended New England receiver to safety. This selfless act will make them heroes. Heroes that will lose the Superbowl 31- 17.

Who's your pick for Superbowl, uh, master? Let us know in the comments below!

 

Check out the Worst Superbowl Halftime Show of All Time!

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15 weeks ago

Giants won I'm soooo firetrucken haaapppppyyyy !!!!!!!!!!!!

15 weeks ago

Giants won I'm so firertrucken happy!!!!!!!!

15 weeks ago

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15 weeks ago

I think it's going to be a close game, I'm pushing for my Giants though. And for those people who are so confident that the Pats are gonna beat us, um, you guys were confident in 2007 as well, how did that end up? Just saying. And we have Cruz now, who is kind of BA as a receiver, not to mention Bradshaw, Manningham, and of course Jacobs as our RB, who is masterful at mowing down the other team to get to where he needs to go. Jussayin =]

15 weeks ago

From a person that lives in mass the pats are going to kick the giantes a** Eli as no chanes vs pats d- fence there way to awesome ... Let's go Tom Brady... :/

15 weeks ago

All of these things seem to be true..... I dont get football...

15 weeks ago

The giants are gonna win obviously

15 weeks ago

The giants aren't going to win , are you insan, the pats are going to kick some a**...

16 weeks ago

Eh. Not a football fan. I'll just spend the day watching some old disney movies. :)

16 weeks ago

I hate sports...

16 weeks ago

Giants are going to wine. Remember a couple of years ago when the undefeated patriots got creamed by the Giants?

15 weeks ago

Fool you said Giants gonna wine. Pats gonna win the got the Boston TE Party. That year Brady only gave it to Moss or Welker and they were pretty bottled up . But no one can stop Gronkowski. But hats off to Giants for beating Patriots.

16 weeks ago

Football confuses me.

16 weeks ago

First of all, the patriots are gonna dominate
Second, that "receiver" in the last one, is not a receiver........its tom brady.......the quarterback

16 weeks ago

Omg yay I'm third and I like to eat chicken wings

16 weeks ago

Giants won't win.:(

16 weeks ago

Giants all the way!!

15 weeks ago

No way!!!!