Teacher Sayings DECODED!

Who are teachers, anyway?

Do they live at school? How do they know all the answers to everything? Is it many red pens? Or just the one? As a student, I sat in class and wondered these same questions. As a post-student with friends who are now teachers, I can tell you…they are just people like you. Only older. So, don’t be fooled by their poise and instant recall of book themes. Some give-away phrases:

 

“That’s interesting.”

This means your teacher was totally spacing off. Think about it – is there an answer that wouldn’t be interesting to a teacher? Isn’t it the teacher’s job to find students’ thoughts “interesting,” at least on a level of “are they getting this?” So really, in this context, “interesting” meant “boring.” See also: “Danny, can you repeat Jenny’s points back to me?”

 

“I’ll wait.”

This means that your teacher actually does want to hear the end of The Snarky Kid’s rant about how he knows why the caged bird really sings, but it feels like the stand-up routine should be perceived as obnoxious. The beauty of “I’ll Wait” is that no one will register it until the teacher’s silence gets awkward (at least thirty seconds later), so that gives The Snarky Kid plenty of time to get that line about sucky SparkNotes.

 

“I want you to tell me.”

This is a genuine request. Your teacher hasn’t re-read these chapters since he/she was in high school. Participation points count for triple for the next forty-five minutes while the teacher works through context clues.

 

“I don’t think that’s the case, but I’ll get back to you on that.”

It could very well be “the case.” Your question just incited a flurry of self-doubt in your teacher. He’s a fraud; there are so many things he still doesn’t know. For God’s sake, a teaching degree isn’t a wizard license. He should have followed his bliss and become a painter. No one asks painters questions they can’t answer.

 

“We are going to watch a video about…”

Your teacher is hungover—videos are like the huevos rancheros of lesson plans. Dark room, no need for improvisation, and the sounds of Civil War cannons to cover any upheaval of his own.

 

“When the hand goes up, the mouth goes shut.”

A flashback to last night, when the teacher was in bed with her boyfriend. It was part of a game involving a whip and an inventive use for a protractor.

 

“But why talk about Iceland, when we can talk about Papua New Guinea?”

The Oceania map is located on the far side of the classroom, and your teacher needed to fart. I’m not being crude—this is a known technique amongst the teaching community. Beware impromptu lessons on the alliances of World War II.

 

“I know a bar out in Mars where they driving spaceships instead of cars, cop a Prada space suit about the stars, getting stupid a** straight up out the jars.”

Your teacher is Matthew Morrison, and you’re in the Kanye episode of Glee. That guy seriously needs to stop rapping. Get out now before Darren Criss starts singing the Katy Perry chorus.

What do you think? Can you see through other things your teachers say? What is the real meaning behind other popular teacher sayings? Let's discuss.

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