Things That Frustrate Me About Mass Effect 3's Sexytime Scenes

Mass Effect 3 made a lot of promises it delivered on. It has great gameplay, pulls you even deeper into the characters in the series, has an amazing updated battle system, and I could go on. But there was one issue that is did the opposistive of deliver on. It not-delivered on it. No, I'm not referring to the ending. I'm referring to the sex scenes. Here I was, having worked 50 hours to bed Liara T'Soni, and what kind of sex scene do I get?!?!?  Here are my main problems with the sexytime in Mass Effect 3:

 

Shepard's Way Too Built

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It makes me feel bad about my own body. They should have at least given him a saggy gut and a bunch of moles on his fingers.

 

They Didn't Seem Like They Were In Love

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I always have a hard time enjoying it when they just seem like they're going through the motions.

 

Not enough boobs

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Come on guys, it's rated "M." With that kind of a rating I'd like to at least get some blue scaly boob action out of Liara. That was the whole point of me ignoring the actually hot human women the entire game, because I wanted to see if her boobs had tentacles like her head does. Now i'll never know.

 

They Don't Wash Their Hands Afterwards

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Oh great, now the next person to shake Shepard's hand is gonna get some seriously sex hand.

 

Unrealistic Lack Of Foreplay

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Anyone whose ever had hooked up with a female Asarian Shadow Broker knows they need at least forty-five minutes of pre-game.

 

They Don't Use Protection

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In space no one can hear you scream, sure, but in space everyone CAN hear you not being responsible. The last thing you want is an unepxected Drell infection or half-turian baby.

 

What is your favorite thing about dating an Asarian Shadow Broker? Let us know in the comments!

 

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