6 Things That I'm Tired Of Horror Movies Using To Scare Me
Horror movies are supposed to scare us, chill us deep to our bones and force us to confront our own fears about death. But most of them just throw teach us that if you're a hot teenager you shouldn't have sex near abandoned properties or the woods. What are some of the other most bored scare tactics horror movies use?
Cat Jumping Out!
Is that the monster behind the corner? Oh! Phew! It's just Janet's cat. Janet's cat has the worst timing! Just one time I'd love for the fake out cat scare to end with the get pulling out a knife and stabbing the hot chick it surprised to death.
How come ghosts always make loud noises to make people jump? Ghosts would never do that. If you're capable of slamming a door somewhere in the house, or knocking some pans over in the kitchen, ghost, you're capable of straight out murdering whatever family moved into your crib, so just do it already.
It's Not Behind You, It's To the Left Or Right Of You
The camera focuses on a dark corner of the room and them BAM the monster was actually on the staircase all along! That's a mean trick. Why don't you do something actually scary instead horror movie, like have my father tell me no matter how much weight I lose I'll never be pretty. Why don't you... do that... instead.... *whimpering noises*
It's about horror movies stopped trying scare us by sewing people together mouth to a**hole and then having the guy or girl at the front eat stuff. However, on the flip side, they don't do nearly enough of that in romantic comedies.
Little Kids Singing
You know what's scarier than a little kid singing? A little kid walking toward you very slowly, scratching the word "kill" onto a waffle.
Death By Rollercoaster
It only happened in Final Destination 3, but it's such an "I've completely run out of ideas for logical ways to kill people" idea. That's a sign that sh*t is already so out of hand in part 3 that in part 7 people are going to be dying by being electrocuted by their Nintendo 3DS's, or accidentally swallowing a live duck .
How do you plan to get revenge on the roller coaster that murdered your son? Let me know on twitter @dandomingueznow or in the comments below!