Things Justin Bieber Can Do To Celebrate His 18th Birthday
As you may know, Justin Bieber turned 18 on Thursday. YAY! Now we don't have to feel guilty for making fun of a child! Now we're making fun of a girly childlike creature wearing ladies skinny jeans who is of LEGAL AGE. I feel so much better about being an adult hater. HAPPY BIRTHDAY, BABY GIRL!
So the news is that Bieber will be throwing an 'intimate' celebration party this weekend to mark the occasion. But you only turn 18 once!! Here's a few more suggestions on how The Biebs can celebrate this weekend!
Ceremonial Shaving Of His Peach Fuzz
18 is a landmark birthday, so JB should definitely do something to celebrate his impending 'manhood' or whatever you call that when it's happening to Bieber. What better way to celebrate adulthood than removing your training-'stache! Besides, I'm pretty sure if you shave something it makes it grow back thicker. So that should make his 'stache slightly less microscopic. I actually think I have more of a 'stache than him. I better take care of that, before someone takes a zoom photo of my upper lip.
'Punk' A Fan
If you need an incentive to start bashing your head into a cement wall, take a gander at some the COMPLETELY BANANAS Belieber reaction to Justin turning 18 on Twitter. What is it with Beliebers and crying? We all know Bieber is a HILARIOUS prankster, remember the coning stunt? I'm still not laughing over that one! I think he should make the moves on a fan, and then pull away when he realizes she's underage. "Sorry, boo! If this was only last week, I'd be giving you a sweet-ass hickey that you could instagram the sh*t out of!" There's your punchline JB! Happy birthday!
Create A Signature Scent
JB is already a successful perfume maker. I mean Someday must smell good if it has millions of girls buying a bottle that looks like a 'lady's flower', if you know what I mean. He should make a scent for men. Might I suggest that the cologne have base notes of what your hand smells like after grabbing your crotch and top notes of McShamrock Shake? BONUS: Revoking the man card of any dude who buys it.
Buy Himself A Pair Of Breast Implants
This is every guys' dream, no?
Say Goodbye To His Big Boy Pull-Ups
You might not know this, but Bieber is one of the most famous bedwetters EVER! It's true! I just made it up! He hasn't wet the bed in many years but he still wears Limited Edition Huggie's Jeans pull-ups as a kind of security thing. It's time to let go, baby! Besides, public displays of peeing haven't hurt Fergie, R.Kelly or Kim Kardashian's careers!
Have A Playdate With Lil Wayne
Weezy baby, baby, baby OH! You know the sh*t is GOING DOWN when these two playas take to the clubs! It'll be like The Hangover only with more Mike Tyson and less crazy naked Asian kidnapping.
Getting Some Legal Action With Girlfriend Selena Gomez
AWW YEAH! Why do you think he bought his mom her own house for his birthday? First base here he comes!
What do you think Bieber should do to celebrate his birthday! Let me know @desijedeikin or in the comments below!