Things Justin Bieber Owns That You Can't Afford

Justin Bieber made so much money last year that he tried to put it in the bank and the bank exploded. Justin Bieber, with having even made it to twenty years has already amassed a large enough fortune to buy the entire continent of Africa Nintendo DS's, and still have money left over for a mansion full of endangered species. So, what are some actual things Justin Bieber has purchased that none of us could ever hope to afford? 

 

A Cadillac Batmobile

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For real. He had Cadillac speciallly design him a version of their car that looks like a batmobile, says "Batmobile" on the back, has a bat sigil on the front grill, and has Justin's own logo embedded on the side. 

 

9,400 Square Foot Mansion Surrounded By An Infinity Pool, Overlooking A Lake

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The only thing his house is missing is doorhandles with mouths so that when you walk by them they can give you a blowjob.

 

The World's Only Whatever The F*ck This Is

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I don't know  what it is, but there's only one of it, it's alive, and Justin paid 7.4 million dollars for it. Apparently the thing needs to be kept in a wet, humid environment, and the only food that it's willing to eat is the crushed skull of any teenager who died while they were still a virgin.

 

Senator Mitch McConnel (R-KY)

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Justin has this Senator firmly in his back pocket. So far Justin has used his money and influence to get the Senator pass laws requiring public radio stations to only play songs Justin likes from now on, ice cream to be "more delicious by 2014," and quite a few shockingly strict immigration regulations.

 

A Diamond Mine

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Justin doesn't need the extra revenue source, and he doesn't particularly like diamonds, he mostly just bought the mine because he enjoys hassling the slaves.

 

The  Dread Mechanical Planet Unicron

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Unicron is a planet roughly the circumference of twelve Earths that floats through space seeking other planets to devour. The only known sentient planet, Unicron has a terrifying intelligence devoid of moral quandary, devoted to a singular cause: quenching it's hunger. Justin was just going to hire regular body guards instead of Unicron, but then he thought, "Hey, I've got the money. Why not splurge?"

 

Keanu Reeves's Soul

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Worn in a crystal bauble around Justin's neck. Justin takes Keanu's soul every where he goes. When a reporter once dared ask Justin why he went through the trouble of extracting Keanu Reeve's soul and then wearing it Justin answered icily, "Because it matches my eyes." That reporter was never hear from again.

 

What else does Justin Bieber own that's really expensive? Let us know in the comments!

 

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