Things Luigi Does To Keep Himself Occupied While Mario Is Saving The Galaxy
Having a super-famous brother isn't all backstage passes and sloppy seconds. Just ask Jim Belushi. All he did when John Belushi was alive was wait for him to die, and all he does now is play a not funny version of his brother in bad things. Other than that one time he got stuck in a spooky mansion, not much is known about Luigi's life when he's not hanging out with Mario. Today, all that changes.
He Watches Way Too Much TV On Netflix
Luigi has a lot of free time, which is his excuse for sitting around in his PJs all day and watching entire British TV shows in one sitting. He also claims that the shows he watches are "like, super addicting." His friends aren't sure if he has depression or is just really lazy.
He Picks Up (Then Abandons) New Hobbies
"I'm really into cooking now," Luigi told me a couple months ago. I was standing in his kitchen as he whisked fresh tarragon into a sauce BŽarnaise. He spent hundreds of coins on books and knives and this giant carrot juicer. Last time I saw him, he told me that now he's really into building models of classic cars while eating spaghetti out of a cup.
He Pretty Much Stalks This One Girl At Starbucks
Luigi has seen way too many romantic comedies where a guy keeps being weird around a girl until she falls in love with him, so he goes to the same Starbucks every day and forces a smile out of this cutie who works there. She wrote Luigi with little hearts dotting the i's on his cup once, and he thought she was flirting. Because of Luigi and his creepy mustache, she no longer dots her i's with little hearts or trusts men.
Sometimes He Just Lies On His Bed And Stares
Mostly this is in the morning, when he doesn't have the energy to start his day, or at night, when he feels he hasn't done enough to deserve to get a good night's rest. "My brother is literally hurtling through space right now so that we may all live," he thinks. "And all I had to do today was two loads of laundry but I only did one." He keeps thinking like this until he falls asleep or has to pee.
He Likes 90% Of The Posts He Sees On Facebook
If you have a lot of Facebook friends in common with Luigi, you'll notice that any time one of them posts a status it says "Luigi likes this" within ten seconds. C'mon, Luigi. There's no way you actually like it when Yoshi posts "lol lickked so many things last nite #yolo #hashtagsonFB." You just hope he'll click on your profile and see how you're doing.
Occasional Charity Work
Mario gets so many PR requests that there's no way he can make an appearance at all of them. He sends Luigi out to a lot of charity events to keep him busy. Luigi gets really nervous and eats a bunch of mushrooms in his dressing room, then Toad has to remind him that he's giving a speech about banning Bullet Bills in schools.
One Time, He Didn't Leave His Place For Like Ten Days And We All Got Really Worried. Then He Showed Up To Kart Racing Acting Normal And We Pretended It Never Happened.
I see under your mask, Luigi. Talk to me.
Do you have an inferiority complex? Let us know in the comments!