Things That Would Be Different About Straw Dogs If Disney Produced It
Disney is well known for taking scripts and completely altering them to make them family friendly. "Pretty Woman" released by Disney's Paramount studios is a classic example of a rather dark story about a Prostitute who dies that Disney turned into a light hearted tale about a call girl who finds prince charming and lives happily ever after. And did you know that originally Beauty and the Beast was about a girl who gets attacked by wolves and gets rabies and then eats her own hand to get out of a bear trap? So what would Disney have done differently with the dark, gritty hard-R rated remake of the classic Sam Peckinpah film "Straw Dogs?"
Instead Of Scary Hillbillies, The Couple Would Be Trapped In Their House By Singing Housewares
Though the couple is still technically trapped in their house and unable to escape, they can't help but be delighted by their captor's joyful songs about being put away in cupboards.
James Marsden Would Have An Adorable Animal Sidekick
The clever, wisecracking little fellah would see James Marsden standing over the human being he was forced to murder, unable to believe what had just done, and would say something clever like, "Now that's what I call a killer personality!" And everyone would laugh knowingly and smile. Except for the dead guy.
The Infamous Assault Scene Would Be Removed In Favor Of A Musical Number About Having Friends
There's nothing better than friends!
The Wife Would Have Really Long Beautiful Hair That Everyone Kept Tripping Over
Those darn hillbillies want to steal that guy's wife and do bad things to her, but they can't! Why? Her hair is really long!
It's Called "Straw Dogs" So Let's Have Some Dogs And Some Straw!
Disney would, after all those changes, completely throw out the script and change the movie from a gritty urban meditation on violence and the impossibility of removing yourself from the struggles of our time, and be rewritten to be about a boy dog who falls in love with a girl scarecrow who used to be girl dog until an evil witch cast a spell on her.
Now that's what I call a four quadrant poster that parents and children can get into!
How could you Disney-fy some other adult movies? Let us know in the comments!