Things That Would Happen If Snooki Was President

For some reason, America loves Snooki. In fact, she's so popular, it wouldn't be surprising if she took a run at being President of the United States 2012. It makes sense then, to plan ahead... just in case. So, in the interest of being prepared, here are seven things that would happen if Snooki became President of America:

 

1. People Who Graduated From College Would Get All Arrested For "Thinking They're Better Than Me."

Snooki's first order of business would be to declare martial law and all college graduates would have to go into hiding as a 'roided-out Jersey police forces scoured the nation for people who, "Think they're all great just cuz they like think they know crap and stuff."

 

2. Tap Water Would Get Replaced with Alcohol Infused Energy Drinks

Snooki then declare alcohol infused energy drinks to be the 5th food group, and mandate that "Joose" replace tap water and be served with all elementary school lunches.

 

3. Those Whose Skin Was Not Bright Orange From Too Much Sun Would Be Declared "Inferior"

They would be rounded up and put in "re-ducation camps," which would be roofless metal buildings, so that their skin could be turned the officially recognized Presidential skin tone.

 

4. Nuclear War

Snooki would almost immediately get wasted and push the big red button that says "Do Not Press" around it because she hates getting told what to do, eliminating 98% of all life on Earth. Snooki would be sad for a little while, until she remembered that White Castle burgers, wine coolers, and bright pink fingernail polish are all immune to radiation.

 

6. The Rats Would Make Her Their Queen

Rats would be one of the few animals that would survive the nuclear devastation en masse. The nuclear radiation would have the side effect of making the rats super-intelligent. Fortunately for Snooki super intelligence for a rat is about the same level of intelligence as a New Jersey hair dresser. Thus they would make her their Queen.

 

6. Snooki Would Then Ride The Rats Around The Blasted Landscape Of North America Searching For A Man To Rebuild The Human Species With

Unfortunately for Snooki, the radiation would render all men on Earth completely infertile. And, after years of riding rats around looking for a mate she would eventually give up and live out the rest of her years arguing with her rat servants about whether or not it's classy to get your eyebrows tattooed on.

 

What else would happen if Snooki was President? Let us know in the comments!

 

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