Things You Can Do With Chickens Besides Eating Them

Chickens are delicious to eat and incredible versatile as far as deciding what dish to make out of them. As great as they are for food, they're great for a variety of things besides eating like:

 

Sitting In Your Passenger Seat So You Can Use The Carpool Lane

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Legally, a dozen chickens strapped down in your passenger seat counts as one human being, so you'll be able to use the carpool lane and get where you need to go a lot faster than if you were driving alone. Just make sure to put down plastic, because the chickens will be terrified from being stacked and strapped down and be spraying gallons of feces for most of the trip.

 

For Putting Under A Blanket In A Crib If You Accidentally Lose Your Baby

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Wives hate it when you accidentally misplace your baby. A chicken is about the size of a baby though, so you can put one under the blanket in the crib and it should buy you some time to look around longer.

 

For Throwing At Your Enemies

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Enemies hate getting a screeching chicken in their face, and will usually concede victory to get the flapping shrieking bird to stop flying around attacking them.

 

For Talking To About "How Great Twilight Is"

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Most people have absolutely no patience for you going on and on about how great Twilight is, but most chickens are willing to listen no matter how much crap you spout about Edward being romantic because he "wants to wait."

 

For Hiding A Gun Under

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If you have to bring a gun to a meeting with a nefarious rival but you want him to think you are unarmed, always carry a chicken. Nobody expects there to be a gun under a chicken. It's just not done.

 

Impressing A Woman On A First Date

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A survey was done of all the women on the planet, and over 94% of them agreed there's nothing more impressive to a woman on a first date than a man having a chicken with him. When asked why this was the commonest answer women gave was to giggle and look down nervously.

 

For Winning At Tic Tac Toe

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Chickens can't lose at tic tac toe. if you have ever tried to beat a chicken at tic tac toe you know what it's like to be crushed by their incredible chicken prowess. Since inevitably in your day to day affairs tic tac toe is bound to come up from time to time, it pays to generally have a chicken with you. On a leash or in a sack is the preferred method of transport.

 

What else can you do with chickens besides eating them? Let us know in the comments!

 

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