Top 10 Justin Bieber Tour Destinations

Last week the world learned that Justin Bieber would not be making his next tour stop in North Korea.

 

 

Home of nuclear-armed communist dictator, fashionista and all-around funpants Kim Jong Il.

 

 

Turns out the website running the contest to let fans pick anyone country in the world for the Bieber to perform was a hoax. Just like the helicopter-attacking great white shark.

 

 

The site had no connection whatsoever Mr. B, his camp or his management.

 

 

Since it now it looks like North Korea is off the table as a possible tour stop, we thought we’d make a few destination suggestions of our own for JBeeb’s next tour.

 

1. CEBU PRISON, PHILLIPINES

The inmates are already familiar with Michael Jackson’s canon of work.  How hard would it be for them to learn the words to “Baby” and maybe a few moves from the video? Come on, Justin, it’d be Internet gold.

 

2. The Dagobah System

It’s far away from Earth and it’d be a great place for Bieber to clear his head, play some hoops with Luke Skywalker and learn how to lift an X-Wing fighter out of a swamp using just his The Force from Yoda.

 

3. The Eye Of A Hurricane

What? Like it’s going to mess his hair up any more than it already is?

 

4. Thunderdome

Two men enter. One Bieber leaves.

 

5. Pre-School

This is the one place where the audience would truly appreciate the genius of Bieber's lyrics. Plus, if he does a good job he can have a Snack Pack after nap time while he waits for his mommy to pick him up.

 

6. Mordor

That red, lidless eye and all those evil Orcs must get bored staring at each other through that abysmal smoke and darkness all day long. A little Bieber to cheer them up, might be all the need to stop them from fighting with those Hobbits.

 

7. The Sarlaac Pit

We’re worried that although he’ll have a great time on Dagobah, it might be a little too damp and dreary for the Bieber. So we think he should make a quick stop to Tatooine for a party outside Jabba’s sand barge, maybe an impromptu outdoor concert in order to get himself a little sun. Say “hi” to Boba Fett for us.

 

8. An Old Timey Slaughterhouse

Did you ever have to read Upton Sinclair’s “The Jungle” for a book report? Boy, oh boy, can those slaughterhouses be downright depressing (and dangerous) places to work. Nothing like a little “Love Me,” to get them tapping their toes and possibly missing fingers to the beat to cheer the place up.

 

9. A Unicorn Farm

Justin Bieber is truly a magical and mythical being, and that’s why we think unicorns would really connect with his music. Who knows, maybe he could adopt one and ride it over a rainbow and onto the stage at his next concert.

 

10. Uranus

It’s the seventh planet from the sun, and the fourth most massive in our solar system. Bieber would love Uranus... it’d hard to get him to leave Uranus. He’d probably try to stay on Uranus forever and ever.

 

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