Types Of Adults You Should Never Become
Adults are more often than not at least a little bit crappy. You'll figure out quickly as you get older that the only real difference between adults and kids is that adults are twice as self conscious, know less about themselves, and some of their pubes are grey. But we all have to become one sooner or later so you might as well at least not be one of the very worst kinds of adults, which are these:
The Guy Who Thinks If He Has Less Hair, He Should Just Grow The Remaining Hair Out Longer
Own who you are, don't try to hide it. The only thing that a comb over does is make you look like a pedophile who forgot where he parked his ice cream truck.
Whether you're Christian, Muslim, Jewish, Hindu, or some tiny obscure religion no one's ever heard of, fundamentalists are the ones that take every written word of the text that the religion is centered on at face value. In other words, they're completely crazy. They're the ones who fly into buildings, or think that Jesus wants them to cure their children's chicken pox by having their children wear a suit made out of snakes.
The 50 Year Old Person Who Dresses Like They're 20
If you've gotten to the age where the only thing your boobs or balls are good for is making wallets out of them, don't wear "juicy" short shorts, it's only going to make us feel weird when we look at you. Also, if you're anyone, don't wear "juicy" short shorts. It's a true fact that anyone who takes the SAT's while wearing juicy shorts gets 200 points automatically deducted from their final score.
The Guy Who Still Parties Like He's In College When He's 30
In college getting so drunk that you wake up inside the trunk of a car in a junkyard is a cute story, when you're 30 it means you're not getting invited to anyone's baby shower.
Mr. "It Was Better In The Old Days"
No it wasn't. It wasn't better then. Back in the old days black people couldn't sit at the front of the bus and people thought Alf was a good idea. Back in the old days a video game was innovative if the character could jump. Back in the old days Ronald Reagan and Alf used to make us all grow cats in their giant cat farms and then eat all the cats and not give us any.
A Typical Day Back In The Good Old Days
The Guy Who Rides A Giant Mouse Through The Streets Shouting Pro-Life Slogans Into A Megaphone
Everyone hates these guys. Why there isn't a law passed against riding giant mice through the streets shouting pro-life slogans into a megaphone I'll never know.
Don't be Taylor Lautner. Unless you want to spend your nights tearing apart strangers with your razor sharp claws to sate your thirst for human flesh, and your days being a guy whose dumb facial expressions make him look like he got trapped in the refrigerator a lot when he was a kid.
What other adults should no one turn into? Let us know in the comments!