Very Best Of FMyLife: Cat Edition

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Cats are adorable button nosed killing machines who are descended from Chimpanzees, but cats can just as easily make you say F My Life! That's where FMylife comes in, collecting the worst moments of our lives, all in one place. Here are some of the best cat related FML moments this week!

 

You: 1, Your Brother: 1,000,000

Today, for the first time, I beat my brother in a game of CoD. Not being a gamer, I was ecstatic. Later, when I was in the shower, my brother snuck in the bathroom, yelled "Napalm strike!" and threw our cat over the shower curtain like a furry grenade from hell. FML

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There Are Such Things As Monsters

Today, my son told me he was afraid of monsters under his bed. When I poked my head under to show him nothing was there, the family cat sprang out and clawed me in the face. Now I have a gash on my chin, and my son refuses to go anywhere near his bed. FML

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Did You Succeed?

Today, I had a dream that I was trying to pop a balloon. Nothing I did was working, so I put it between my knees and tried to pop it that way. Immediately, I woke up to the sound of frantic hissing and meowing. As it turns out, I was trying to pop the cat. FML

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We've All Been There

Today, I was cleaning mouse remains from the kitchen floor, left by my cat. I found a small round thing nearby. With no idea what it was, I picked it up and gave it a little squeeze to see if it was solid. It wasn't, and burst with great force onto my face. I'm pretty sure it was an eye. FML

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No Good Deed Goes Unpunished (By Cats)

Today, I watched a cat pounce on a small bird and rip it to shreds, feather by feather. It wouldn't have been any worse than mildly disturbing, had I not just spent the last 4 weeks nursing the bird back to health from a broken wing. FML

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Were They Stroking Their Long, Evil Moustaches?

Today, I walked in on my parents discussing how to kill our cat, and how to make it look like an accident. FML

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Sup On The Juices

Today, I witnessed the miracle of life. More specifically, my cat giving birth on my bed at four in the morning. FML

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How Can He Tell?

Today, my father spent half an hour trying to convert my cat to Christianity. He has already done this with my other two cats. He's completely serious and thinks they are born-again Christians. FML

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The Thing Is... He Was Right.

Today, at 5:30 in the morning while I was fast asleep, my cat decided the most threatening thing in my apartment that absolutely needed to be attacked was my left nipple. FML

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That's What You Get For Being Made Of Pollen And Peanut Dust

Today, I found out my cat is allergic to ME. No kidding. FML

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Check out last weeks Best Of FMyLife!