Very Best Of FMyLife: Cinco De Mayo Edition

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Sometimes, life sucks so hard, there's only one thing to say... F My Life! That's where FMylife comes in, collecting worst moments of our lives, all in one place. Here are some of the best FML moments this week!





Today, I realized that even though I've taken three years of Spanish, the only words and phrases I can remember are from Dora the Explorer. FML






So you understand the important words

breakup sub


Today, I checked in a group of men from Mexico. I speak just enough spanish to realize they're discussing my breasts. I have to stand there smiling while checking in three more people. FML






Donde esta el baño?

Cat toaster


Today, I was at a mall. A woman stopped by me, said slowly and loudly, in Spanish "baño?" Knowing a bit of Spanish, I nodded and pointed the restrooms out for her. She then mutters about "dang Mexicans and their inability to speak English". I'm not even Latina. I'm Irish-American. FML




Que lastima!



Today, I flew from New York to San Fransisco with my wife. We were seated apart and were texting each other about our seatmates in Spanish. I told her the ass of the woman next to me was oozing under the armrest and making my leg sweat. The oozer told me that lots of fat asses can read Spanish. 6 hours to SF. FML





Lucky burrito




Today, while my boyfriend and I were fighting in the car, I paused to take a bite of my burrito. Just at that moment, he slammed on the brakes, causing me to deepthroat my burrito. I threw up all over myself. He won the argument. FML





No me gusta



Today, I was babysitting. The kids were thirsty, so I poured them both a cup of the green juice I'd found in a jug in their fridge. They downed it in a flash. It wasn't until later on after I'd poured myself a cup and taken a sip, I realized I had given them margarita mix. The kids are 4 and 2. FML





Just jacket!

dog collar



Today, I am studying abroad in Mexico and someone asked me what it's like to be from Minnesota. I responded in Spanish, in front of thirty people, what I thought translated to, "If you get cold, you can just put on a jacket." Apparently, what I thought meant "jacket" actually meant "masturbate". FML








Today, I was mowing the lawn of my brand new house, located in a very nice neighborhood (I am a hispanic male), and a lady in her nice white cadillac drove up and asked me, in extremely broken spanish, if I could mow her lawn too. FML





La pene de muerte




Today, I was in spanish class, having a debate about the death penalty. When I went to make a point, I meant to say "La pena de muerte", which means "The death penalty". I said, "La pene de muerte". Turns out that means, "The penis of death". FML




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