Very Best Of FMyLife: New Years Edition
My New Years Resolution is for a way out of this cage those sentient apes put me and my wife in! They always whip us and they make us eat grubs! That's where FMylife comes in, collecting the worst moments of our lives, all in one place. Here are some of the best New Years FML moments this week!
The Sparrow Spreads His Wings
Today, I found out my parents' New Year's resolution is to get me to move out. FML
The Cleverest Crook!
Today, I went out for New Year's. When I got back, I found my house had been broken into. I found a note saying, "Happy New Year, sucker." FML
She Must Not Be Allowed To Leave
Today, I was about to kiss my girlfriend right as the clock struck midnight for New Year's. She put her hand in front of my mouth, and broke up with me. FML
You Have Chosen Poorly, Boyfriend-wise
Today, I was talking to my boyfriend about our new year's resolutions. I started telling him that I wanted to lose some weight. He interrupted me, saying, "Yeah yeah, we all know you're fat, whatever." He then went on a 30 minute speech about how he'd really like to take more pictures of his cat in 2011. FML
Today, I got into a nasty fight, and ended up leaving with a black eye. The fight was with a champagne bottle cork. I was opening the bottle to celebrate the New Year, at home, alone. FML
I Bet When She Parties She Coughs Up Dust
Today, my grandmother drunk dialed me at midnight to wish me a happy new year. I was already in bed. My grandmother has a better social life than I do. FML
AHAHAHAH Your Dad Is Rad
Today, while at a family gathering for New Years, my aunt said she needed a flat surface to write on. My dad immediately piped up, "Why don't you use Samantha's chest?" I'm Samantha. I'm also 18. FML
Today, I'm a recovering alcoholic and drug addict. On new years, my mom called and asked what kind of champagne I want. FML
Join The 99% Fool
Today, I found out that I'm working on Christmas Eve, Christmas Day, New Year's Eve and New Year's Day. I'm spending my favourite time of the year working for $8.70 an hour. At McDonald's. FML
Yeah, But Did They Master Level 34 of Partying?
Today, it is New Year's Day. While all of my friends are out partying, I stayed home and mastered level 34 on FarmVille. FML
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