Very Best Of FMyLife: New Years Edition

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My New Years Resolution is for a way out of this cage those sentient apes put me and my wife in! They always whip us and they make us eat grubs! That's where FMylife comes in, collecting the worst moments of our lives, all in one place. Here are some of the best New Years FML moments this week!

 

The Sparrow Spreads His Wings

Today, I found out my parents' New Year's resolution is to get me to move out. FML

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The Cleverest Crook!

Today, I went out for New Year's. When I got back, I found my house had been broken into. I found a note saying, "Happy New Year, sucker." FML

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She Must Not Be Allowed To Leave

Today, I was about to kiss my girlfriend right as the clock struck midnight for New Year's. She put her hand in front of my mouth, and broke up with me. FML

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You Have Chosen Poorly, Boyfriend-wise

Today, I was talking to my boyfriend about our new year's resolutions. I started telling him that I wanted to lose some weight. He interrupted me, saying, "Yeah yeah, we all know you're fat, whatever." He then went on a 30 minute speech about how he'd really like to take more pictures of his cat in 2011. FML

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You're Depressing

Today, I got into a nasty fight, and ended up leaving with a black eye. The fight was with a champagne bottle cork. I was opening the bottle to celebrate the New Year, at home, alone. FML

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I Bet When She Parties She Coughs Up Dust

Today, my grandmother drunk dialed me at midnight to wish me a happy new year. I was already in bed. My grandmother has a better social life than I do. FML

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AHAHAHAH Your Dad Is Rad

Today, while at a family gathering for New Years, my aunt said she needed a flat surface to write on. My dad immediately piped up, "Why don't you use Samantha's chest?" I'm Samantha. I'm also 18. FML

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:(!

Today, I'm a recovering alcoholic and drug addict. On new years, my mom called and asked what kind of champagne I want. FML

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Join The 99% Fool

Today, I found out that I'm working on Christmas Eve, Christmas Day, New Year's Eve and New Year's Day. I'm spending my favourite time of the year working for $8.70 an hour. At McDonald's. FML

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Yeah, But Did They Master Level 34 of Partying?

Today, it is New Year's Day. While all of my friends are out partying, I stayed home and mastered level 34 on FarmVille. FML

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