Very Best Of FMyLife: Public Bathroom Follies Edition

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Public restrroms are delightful feasts for the senses where your eyes and nostrils can suck in the glorious odors and liquids that fall from us and swirl together below our cities, but public restrooms can just as easily make you say F My Life! That's where FMylife comes in, collecting the worst moments of our lives, all in one place. Here are some of the best Facebook related FML moments this week!

 

The Darndest Things!

Today, in an incredibly busy shopping center bathroom with my 5 year-old niece, I was squatting over the toilet seat to avoid germs. Myniece then says at the top of her voice, "Auntie, why are you sittinglike a kangaroo?" I'd say the whole room pissed their pants laughing.FML

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The Last Time I Took A Crap, I Died

Today, I fell asleep for an hour in the bathroom while taking a dump. I had to convince everyone I went for a walk during lunch since no one saw my car leave. FML

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A Real Gentlemen Never Wipes

Today, I went into a public bathroom and walked in on a guy checking his butt out in the mirror to see if he'd wiped properly. FML

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Making Friends

Today, thinking I was alone in a public bathroom, I started singing the words to my favorite song. A minute later that I heard a toilet flush, so I just sat there petrified. The other person sarcastically picked up the singing from where I left off. FML

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If You Hit Her Back She'll Think You're Decisive

Today, I was in my family's hotel room taking a dump. The lock to the bathroom was broken so we had made a deal: when the door is closed, someone is using the toilet. The maid didn't know that. She punched me in the face because she claimed I scared her. FML

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Girl Pee Is Cuter Than Guy Pee

Today, as I was about to go in the bathroom, a girl walked out, shaking water off her hands. Some of it landed on my face, and I just wiped it off. Then she said to her friend who was waiting for her, "The sink's broken.Can I use your hand sanitizer?" So what landed on my face? FML

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Did It Kill Gozer?

Today, I was in the bathroom, when someone came up behind me. Instead of waiting for a urinal to free up, he wedged his way in between me and another guy, and promptly began peeing in my urinal, crossing streams in the process. FML

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They Must Both Be Silenced, and You Must Flee

Today, I found out that even if you have to go really bad, never burst into a bathroom stall assuming that it's vacant because you don't see any legs underneath. There might be a child in there, who will scream, and whose mother will burst in and start screaming at you forbeing a "pedo." FML

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Now You're Mr. Ketchup! Now You Make The Rules!

Today, at Burger King, I had to go to the bathroom. Two ketchup packets were under the seat and exploded on my legs and pants when I sat down. FML

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Check out last weeks Best Of FMyLife!